In Episode 110, Candice C, a 39-year-old crossdresser comes onto the podcast to tell her story. Here’s our Q&A with her.
How old are you and where are you from?
I am 39 and from Canada. Yes it’s a big country, but I have lived all over the place, so let’s just leave it at Canada 🙂
What brings you to the podcast?
I found the podcast through my own desire for consuming resources in the search of defining my self identity. Most of the resources out there are outdated. I love the fresh approach that this podcast is taking! I decided to contribute in order to share my story and add to the growing number of voices out there. Hearing other voices is helping me, and I hope that I can help others!
For newcomers to the podcast, is the CrossYAAS podcast worth listening to? Why or why not?
The podcast is definitely worth listening to. Giselle weaves interesting current affairs with topics of sexuality and gender. And the interviews serve as a glimpse into the lives of other people that also cross dress or otherwise explore gender.
Are you yourself a crossdresser?
Yes!
How would you identify with your gender identity? Do you identify as transgender? Why or why not?
I don’t like to slot myself into one identity. I find that somewhat constricting when it comes to sexuality and gender. But I can relate to non-binary and genderfluid. And I like to consider those under the trans umbrella.
How would you classify your sexuality?
I would classify myself as having a submissive feminine sexual identity, and attracted to dominant feminine energy.
Are you open about your crossdressing/sexuality/gender?What was that coming out process like?
I am only out to my wife IRL. That process, as you can or will hear in the podcast, was not ideal. It came out with her discovering pictures on my computer. That started off the conversation in a really negative way as it damaged a lot of trust between us. If I had told her earlier on in our relationship, things would have worked out a lot better. She is very open minded and accepting of LGBTQ and various sexual kinks.
In your Curi – YAAS conversation with Giselle, you talk about not being open about your crossdressing to your workmates because they’re older and they wouldn’t understand. Where do you think your perception of them not understanding stems from? Would it change the work dynamic if they knew about Candice?
I work in a small company of about 20 people. Many of whom I have known for about 10-15 years, and the others are quite a bit younger. Therefore I think they would get over it and accept me because they have known me for so long. However, I work as a consultant for various companies. And I have worked with probably over 200 by now, so I have to deal with new people all of the time. My industry tends to be an older and more conservative-leaning crowd. Much of my work involves working in and around small remote communities. So I feel as though if I were open about this, it would expose me to the judgement (or perceived judgement) of a lot of different people. And the risk to my career as I transition into a leadership role is a big concern. Not to mention that my boss of 15 years has shown himself to be a bigoted individual towards people that are LGBTQ.
You also discussed with Giselle the sexual component of crossdressing…would you care to elaborate on that? What about crossdressing gets you turned on?
There are many parts to it that are sexually charged. For one, its the anticipation of having the chance to dress up. When it’s something that can’t always be done, it adds a certain element of built-up energy. It’s like a seed that just starts to grow. I might be inspired by an outfit I see on the street, and I think about how that would look on me. I look for that outfit online.. thinking about the day that I might actually order it and try it on. Then when the day comes, and I get dressed up. I look in the mirror and feel good about what I see. Not like, “hey I’m hot”, it’s more like, damn I look fine. As a dude, I rarely every feel sexy. But when I dress up, I actually FEEL sexy. It’s an exhilarating feeling to embody the sexual energy, instead of as a man just seeking out the feminine sexual energy. Then there is the tactile nature of all of the different clothes and how they are tight and often form fitting.
You talk about your children with Giselle and breaking gender binaries down with them. How did you come about that conclusion and what is the significance of that moving forward in your children’s upbringing?
It was an approach that my wife and I had early on when we had our first. (in retrospect this sounds like it would have been a great segue to share about my personal gender identity). We didn’t want to go as far as waiting to gender them until they are old enough to do it themselves. I think that can be too confusing for people around them. We have always referred to our son as a boy and our daughter as a girl. We didn’t find out their gender when my wife was pregnant, so right from the get-go, we set the stage for baby gifts from family and friends needing to be gender-neutral. We have tried to encourage hobbies, toys and activities that boys or girls like to both of our kids. And we let them choose what they want to do. Presently, our boy like most typical boy things, and our girl likes mostly typical girl things. But they are free to chose what they genuinely like. We have tried to remove as many gender barriers as possible for them, as I think they will appreciate that gender-norms and practices in the school and workplace can be limitations to their potential.
Does passing play an importance when you are Candice? In what ways do you try or not try to pass?
I always aim to pass when I dress. I don’t feel comfortable blending gender presentations. I try to pass with the best makeup as possible, and shaving my face very close. Luckily I don’t have much body hair to deal with, and I generally don’t shave my legs or arms. Wigs end up being an essential piece for me. I don’t use wigs or hip/but enhancements. I am athletic, so I have a lean body shape and my shoulders aren’t very broad either, so I think that helps.
If you had a style when you’re dressed as Candice, what would you say that is? How did you develop it?
I tend to gravitate towards more glamorous evening wear. I say yes to sparkles and sequins! I don’t think I really have a style. I tend to be fairly eclectic. Which is to say, I don’t really have very many clothes yet.
Do you have a favorite place to shop?
I used to love ordering from Charlotte Russe. I loved almost everything from there. I have filled my cart a few times, but never ordered, from Shein and Boohoo.
What’s your favorite thing to wear and why?
I have always had a thing for pantyhose. So it’s a must for just about every outfit! It’s hard to say why, but they just feel amazing to wear.
What do you wish you did differently in your life? Do you have any regrets?
I wish I had explored my gender expression and sexuality more when I was in my early 20’s. When I was single and still defining myself. Once you are on a career path with a wife and kids, it becomes a lot harder to do that. Life gets busy and there is a lot less time for ones self. I think that is why a lot of crossdressing men come out in their 60’s. They have retired and their kids have grown up, and they find themselves with the time to look inward and explore those parts about themselves they they tucked away for so long.
What advice would you give to other crossdressers/transgender individuals?
Read and listen to as many resources as possible. There is so much out there now, there is no excuse. The sooner that you start exploring your identity the better. If you hide it, you risk damaging a relationship that you may be in like I did.
Would you recommend others to come onto the podcast? Why or why not?
Yes, absolutely. It is somewhat of a therapeutic experience. Giselle also asks the tough questions in order to challenge some listeners in some things that may be holding them back. I may, in the future, refer people to my episode if it makes sense.