In episode 137, Giselle talks to Arris, a 41-year-old, non-binary, genderfluid person from the East Coast of the United States, who comes on the podcast to tell their truly unique story.
Episode 136 has Nicole B. discuss Dick Pics, Transitioning, breastplates and whole lot more in the second part and exciting conclusion to Nicole B.'s Curi - YAAS Conversation with Giselle.
In episode 135 and 136, Nicole L. comes on the podcast to tell her story. Here's our Q&A with her.
How old are you and where are you from?
I'm 33-years-old and from Ireland.
What brings you to the podcast?
I love the podcast and really wanted to reach out and find out more about our community and offer my experience as it may help someone listening.
How do you feel about the term crossdresser? Do you agree with the word? Is it an outdated term? Are you yourself a crossdresser? If so, how’d you come to that conclusion?
I prefer the term crossdresser to more derogatory terms like tranny or shemale. I think it's a self explanatory term. I am a crossdresser because I love being femme dressed up 😊
With regards to your gender identity, you seem to not care about labels really, when you were speaking with Giselle in your Curi - YAAS conversation with her. So how would you classify your gender identity? Do you think we should just get rid of labels entirely?
Labels to me are confusing at times lol. It seems like there's a new one every year. So to someone that doesn't know anything about our community it must be even more confusing. But on the other hand labels are important to some people to help them feel like they belong.
Personally I think society has created too many ways to be a person, by that I mean I think we should be able to just be ourselves without judgment or labels, just be the person you want to be. As long as its not harming anyone else what does it matter what you call it 😊
With regards to your sexuality, you seem to be into women as you do have a fiancee (congratulations by the way!). How did you come to terms with that? The idea that you're into women. Have you experimented at all with same sex relationships?
Thank you 😊 I've always respected women and have had girlfriends from middle school onward. I've never looked at guys that way. I do find other trans women attractive as I'm attracted to the female form 😊
You spoke about many things with Giselle, and one thing that made an impression was that you do have a 9-year-old son and you expressed worries about him discovering your Nicole alter ego. Do you feel any shame with Nicole when it comes to your son? What steps could you take to help your son understand what Nicole means to you? Or do you want to try and separate Nicole in your relationship with your son?
I don't feel shame as such, more concern as although even if he knew and was fine with it, I'd be concerned if he told his friends at school as kids can be cruel. I don't want him to experience ridicule because of me.
I don't think any steps would need to be taken to help him understand as he's been brought up to respect others. Unfortunately not every parent brings their children up this way and therefore it's best to wait until he's a little older. I will most likely tell him sometime 😊
If Nicole is an alter ego of your male self, what differences, if any, do you notice when you're Nicole versus you in guy mode?
I'm more relaxed in girl mode. Guy me has his baggage and Nicole doesn't carry it for him lol
You live in Ireland and you talked a little bit about the unique qualities the Irish have when it comes to the LGBTQ community in terms of acceptance. In your opinion, does the outlook of the LGBTQ community for Ireland look more positive, negative, or the same, and why?
I think its a positive outlook. For the most part I think people want to be more open minded and accepting. The LGBTQ community is supported in Ireland. Gay marriage is legal here and during pride month there are rainbow flags flown everywhere 😊
With over 27 thousand followers on Instagram, and an increasing online presence, how do you feel about being a so-called "influencer?" Do you consider yourself that? What does that even mean to you?
I don't consider my self an influencer to be honest. If I'm helping people or just making them smile then I'll keep posting. But mainly I do it for a confidence boost. I'm an extremely insecure person really so, putting myself out there in the spotlight of social media is me pushing myself to be more confident.
COVID-19 has been a struggle for all of us, but how has Nicole been affected by the pandemic?
Nicole has had it easy lol guy me had some ups and downs but for the most part it's been OK. Others have had it worse.
What would you say Nicole's style is? Tell us about your fashion sense and how you developed it!
Fashion has been a turbulent ride 😅 I've styled Nicole's look after many iconic females such as Audrey Hepburn, Christina agulara etc. I've just kept colour in my look.
What's your favorite thing to wear? Do you have a go-to outfit?
Skater skirts! I love them 💜 also bodycon dresses because who doesn't love them? They're sexy! Lingerie obviously 😍
What do you wish you did differently in your life? Do you have any regrets?
I wish I could tell 15 year old me that your not a freak, your not alone and that it's gonna be OK. I wish I had accepted myself sooner, been braver, stronger... Been myself 😔
We obviously know a lot about Nicole in your talk with Giselle…but tell us something you omitted about Nicole that you wish you told The CrossYAAS Podcast!
Well being a crossdresser means you get to see life from a different prospective. You see it from a woman's perspective. It makes us more intuitive and aware of our partners needs. It's easy to forget just how lucky we are to experience that thought process as most of us spend a long time trying to suppress it. I say embrace it!
What advice would you give to other crossdressers/transgender/non-binary/genderfluid/other individuals?
Don't be afraid to be yourself! Don't be ashamed of yourself! Don't let the haters get you down! You are different yes, but your uniqueness makes you special and the ones that appreciate that uniqueness are the ones worth your time.
Anything that costs your mental health is too expensive, so if you feel down about purging, shame or dysphoria ask yourself this question... Why am I letting the opinions of those around shape my future?
This world can be ugly and it can consume the unique beauty it holds within. But can be strong enough to weather it, you can be bold enough to be different and you can be bitchy enough to screw you to those who oppose you 😘
How will you approach Nicole moving forward? Does anything change after being on the podcast?
Nicole will stay the same sassy girl she's become. Her makeup may change her style may alter, but her flare is permanent 😊 the podcast was a great experience. Talking to Giselle really helped me come out of my comfort zone. Also she's the first crossdresser I'd spoken to in outside of DMs so that was great 😊
Would you recommend others to come onto the podcast? Why or why not?
Absolutely YAAS!! It's an incredible resource for information for both crossdressers and their partners. Giselle is such an inspiration and a credit to the community. 😊
And finally, where can people support and follow Nicole on social media!
My Instagram and Tik Tok user name is x1xnicolex1x if you guys and girls wanna follow me 😘
In Episode 135, Giselle speaks with Nicole B., a 33-year-old crossdresser from Ireland. She's x1xnicolex1x on Instagram, and with over 27 thousand followers, Nicole B. is trying to make a name for herself via social media.
Episode 134 features Lilly, CrossYAAS Video Editor - in Chief and genderfluid individual who comes on the podcast to share her story. Here's our full Q & A with Lilly.
How old are you and where are you from?
I just turned 24 in August and I'm from Southern California!
What brings you to the podcast?
I started listening to the podcast awhile back, but really started to get more involved when the CrossYAAS Confidential Discord server was created. I was really interested in sharing my own story, but I was afraid to do an interview because I didn't want my family to accidentally overhear anything. Now that I've come out to them though, I have nothing holding me back!
How do you feel about the term crossdresser? Do you agree with the word? Is it an outdated term? Are you yourself a crossdresser? If so, how’d you come to that conclusion?
Personally, I feel like the term "crossdresser" has become a bit outdated and problematic. There's definitely a certain stigma about the word that I don't feel as comfortable with anymore. For a while I did identify with the term, but more recently I have realized that I am genderfluid and that the term "crossdresser" didn't really do the best job of describing who I am.
With regards to your gender identity, you said genderfluid with your chat with Giselle, but do you care to elaborate on that? How'd you come to that specific label for yourself? Do you even like labels when it comes to your gender identity?
I really started to explore my own gender identity a bit more by connecting with others on Discord! For many years, I just thought that I was just a crossdresser, but after joining communities like our very own CrossYAAS Confidential Discord, sharing my experiences and listening to the experiences of others, I started to realize there was more to it than just clothes and makeup. Lilly is more than just a persona that I inhabit when I dress up, she's her own person. I started exploring my gender identity a bit more, which usually involved a lot of self reflection and asking myself what I really want in the long term. Eventually I settled on genderfluid, although I have also explored the possibility that I am bigender. For me personally, labels don't matter as much because all I really want is to be happy and comfortable with myself.
With regards to your sexuality, you said in your chat with Giselle that you were into femininity. Can you explain that a bit more? So you're into everything feminine? Does that mean you're still heterosexual?
I'm attracted to feminine presenting people, whether they are cisgender women, transgender women, crossdressers, genderfluid, nonbinary, etc.. I guess that would make me bisexual by some definitions, but largely I'd say that I am attracted to women. I've never been in a relationship with anyone else however, so this is mostly just speculation on my part. There's a lot more experimenting I'd like to do before I completely figure things out!
You opened up a lot to Giselle and of the many things that stood out was your challenges with your parents and family. What did it take for you to finally muster up the courage to tell them? Do you think you'll be able to tell more of your family members down the line? Are you worried about what they'll think about you?
Having so many supportive friends online was probably one of the biggest sources of courage I had when I came out to my family. When I first came out to my mom, I was chatting with Sierra and another friend and they helped me calm down and take that first step. The same thing happened when I came out to my dad. Madi Millions, a friend of the show, really helped me overcome a lot of the fears that were holding me back. As for coming out to the rest of my family, there are a few people I would like to tell eventually. Unless I decide to transition however, there aren't too many family members I plan on sharing things with. Their opinions about gender and sexuality are pretty rigid and I can definitely see some of them having a real problem with me being myself.
You also talked a bit about being in the movie industry and your worries about your gender identity being an issue in finding a job. How real is this fear? Have you heard of stories where people cannot find work in that industry because of who they are?
I actually have no real idea if my fears are real or unfounded. What I do know is that building a career in Hollywood often relies on making connections and first impressions. Whether or not me being genderfluid is something that could make or break my career is a big fear I have. Hopefully after I graduate and begin working in the industry I will get a better sense of things.
COVID-19 has been a struggle for all of us, but how has Lilly been affected with the pandemic?
For me personally, COVID-19 made it nearly impossible for me to have much "Lilly" time. I still hadn't come out to my family yet, and with everyone staying at home, I had pretty much zero privacy. I went almost a whole year without being able to dress and the only thing that kept me sane were my friends. While I couldn't dress up as Lilly, I still got to be her online when chatting with other crossdressers, genderfluid people and trans women. I actually think this was a big reason I realized that being Lilly was more than just a hobby and that she is a part of my identity.
What would you say Lilly's style is? Tell us about your fashion sense and how you developed it!
When I first started crossdressing, I swung between super casual and super formal (my first purchases were a pair of black leggings and a red formal dress). After a little bit of experimenting with clothing and style, I think I've honed in on a nice balance between the two. My style tends to be pretty put together, but nothing that would be out of place in everyday situations. Most of my wardrobe consists of different colors and styles of tops which I pair with skirts. After Giselle's wedding however, I've started to become a bit more interested in more "glamorous" outfits like the sequin dress I wore.
What's your favorite thing to wear? Do you have a go-to outfit?
If I had to pick one outfit as my favorite, I'd probably say it's my light pink blouse paired with a soft brown skirt with golden buttons. I find that I'm always reaching for that light pink top when I dress, and I've tried pairing it with practically every skirt in my wardrobe at least once.
What do you wish you did differently in your life? Do you have any regrets?
I think one thing I would've done differently is come out to my mom and dad at the same time instead of breaking it up over a year. Knowing how they would've reacted now it would've been easier to get past the awkwardness quickly. It would've also been a lot easier on my mom, as she really struggled keeping such a big thing secret from her best friend (my dad).
We obviously know a lot about Lilly in your talk with Giselle…but tell us something you omitted about Lilly that you wish you told The CrossYAAS Podcast!
I'm a huge nerd! My friend's and I haven been playing Dungeons & Dragons every Friday and Sunday for over 2 years now. I'm the Dungeon Master for a campaign that takes place in the world of Ravnica, a setting from Magic: The Gathering, another game I'm quite fond of. Gender is something that I've even started exploring in my games, with friends who don't know that I am genderfluid. It's a very accepting environment to roleplay as someone of a different gender or sexual identity, and I definitely recommend that any listeners who are curious try it out. Maybe I'll host a CrossYAAS D&D campaign in the future... who knows?!
What advice would you give to other crossdressers/transgender/non-binary/genderfluid/other individuals?
Don't be afraid to reach out to others and share your identity with them. You'll find you're a lot less alone than you might think you are. Don't be afraid to take steps that seem too difficult or impossible either! The biggest thing that stopped me from experimenting with crossdressing for so long was that I didn't think I would be good enough at it. Things like learning makeup and buying clothes seemed like insurmountable obstacles to me and I spent years holding myself back because of those fears. But once I took those steps I realized how easy it was to just try new things and see how they made me feel. Don't hold yourself back, get out there and have fun!
How will you approach Lilly moving forward? Does anything change after being on the podcast?
My approach to Lilly and my gender identity moving forward is to keep taking steps to get myself out there. Whether that means hanging out with friends as Lilly, going to weddings or just walking my dogs, I want to feel free to be myself more often. My journey is far from over and I'm excited to see where I'll be in the next few years. Hopefully I can record more episodes with Giselle and other members of the CrossYAAS community as well!
Would you recommend others to come onto the podcast? Why or why not?
Absolutely! I think being able to voice your thoughts and stories with others is such an important part of discovering your own identity. It's a great way to get out of your own head for a bit and see things a bit more objectively.