Tag: crossdressing podcast

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Curi – YAAS Convo with Madi Q&A!

Episodes 112 and 113 featured Madi, a crossdresser from Portland who came on the podcast to share her story. Here’s our Q&A with her.

How old are you and where are you from?

I’m 40. I grew up in Santa Cruz, California and moved to Portland, Oregon at the end of 2015.

What brings you to the podcast?

Through another member of the community and guest on the show, Hope. We’ve known each other for several years, and she said some *very* kind words about me in her interview episode. That got me interested in checking out the Discord group, and one thing led to another.

Are you a crossdresser?

Yes.

How do you feel about the term crossdresser?

I don’t love it. I increasingly feel that it just describes an activity and not an identity. It doesn’t communicate anything about your relationship to gender or your motivations. That and it just doesn’t have any positive associations—it’s not a word people associate with craft or personal enrichment.

How would you identify with your gender identity? Do you identify as transgender? Why or why not?

I identify as genderqueer, which does put me under the transgender umbrella. The way I see it and feel it is that my whole self can’t be contained by one gender expression. I don’t feel a lot of need to claim transgender personally, though. It’s replaced “transexual” so thoroughly that I feel like using it to describe myself would probably cause more confusion than it would resolve.

How would you classify your sexuality? How did you discover that?

It depends on who I’m talking to and how much time we have to talk about it. I’ve generally rounded off to “straight” in the past, for the sake of simplicity, but I think straightness has more wiggle room than the popular discourse usually gives it credit for. 

There was a great opinion piece on the NYT recently urging bisexuals to come out, and it made the argument that it does *not* mean equal attraction to everyone at all times. It can lean more toward one sex than another, and it can be situational, and it can vary over time. I’m not sure I’m ready to claim bisexual yet, but given that argument, I’m warming to it.

All that said, “femmesexual” is the best term I’ve found to describe my orientation. I’m attracted to femininity.

In your Curi – YAAS conversation with Giselle, you talk about wanting to come out at work? Have you done that yet? What was the work reaction like?

Yes, I came out the next week, and it was a phenomenal experience. My team was incredibly supportive, and I felt a huge weight lifted from my shoulders that I’d grown so used to that I barely realized it was there. When you’re closeted, there’s a kind of paranoia that sets in around whether you’re doing anything that will out you. Was that gesture too femme? Was that drag race reference suspicious? Is my birthday tiara visible in the background of this zoom call? (it was, and for months, and no one ever noticed). I’ve been able to let go of all of those worries, and it’s been such a liberating feeling. If it’s safe for you to come out, I encourage it.

You also discussed with Giselle, about your affinity towards Drag? What is your fascination with it? 

Fundamentally it’s the same fascination with transformation I have for any kind of gender nonconformance. But I like the hugeness of it. I love camp. I love the way it queers femininity, turning into a loud, commanding, powerful force. Drag queens are gonna save the world.

Why should I watch RuPaul’s Drag Race? Is it really that good of a show?

It can be. Honestly my enthusiasm for it has been cooling off lately, but I do think it’s a great show overall. I’ve learned a lot about confidence and authenticity from it.

You talk about avoiding the spotlight when you talked with Giselle. How important is passing to you? In what ways do you try or not try to pass?

I’d probably be lying if I said I didn’t do my best to pass, but I don’t *expect* to pass. I want to create the best illusion that I can. I pay a lot of attention things to proportions, what kinds of clothes best fit my body, how I move and walk. I don’t bother trying to change my voice though—maybe it’s from watching so much drag race, but doing a voice just seems unnecessary, for me.

What would you say your style is? How did you develop it?

I have a few. Last Fall I was getting into this quasi-1950’s retro look, but I’m not feeling that as much lately. More recently I’ve been into this sort of *Real Housewives* MILF rich bitch vibe.

I’m not sure how to answer the question of how I develop any looks though. I mostly fly on intuition, I guess. I do a lot of online window shopping and play around with outfit composition in my head while I do that.

What’s your favorite thing to wear?

Lately, sequins. I love the sparkle, it makes me feel gorgeous and confident. I have these faux leather leggings I can’t get enough of, too. Oh and heels—they’re an important part of the transformation for me, in the way they change how I move.

What do you wish you did differently in your life? Do you have any regrets?

It probably goes without saying I wish I’d dressed more when I was in my 20’s and early 30’s. I try not to get too caught up in that though. 

What advice would you give to other crossdressers/transgender individuals?

If it’s safe for you to come out, start coming out. You need the support. This part of you is fundamental to who you are, and keeping that a secret will wreck you.

Would you recommend others to come onto the podcast? Why or why not?

Yeah if listening to the show makes you think, “hey, that seems like it would be fun,” then definitely reach out to Giselle and come tell us your story!

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Curi – YAAS Convo with Candice C. Q&A!

In Episode 110, Candice C, a 39-year-old crossdresser comes onto the podcast to tell her story. Here’s our Q&A with her.

How old are you and where are you from?

I am 39 and from Canada.  Yes it’s a big country, but I have lived all over the place, so let’s just leave it at Canada 🙂

What brings you to the podcast?

I found the podcast through my own desire for consuming resources in the search of defining my self identity.  Most of the resources out there are outdated.  I love the fresh approach that this podcast is taking!  I decided to contribute in order to share my story and add to the growing number of voices out there.  Hearing other voices is helping me, and I hope that I can help others!

For newcomers to the podcast, is the CrossYAAS podcast worth listening to? Why or why not?

The podcast is definitely worth listening to.  Giselle weaves interesting current affairs with topics of sexuality and gender.  And the interviews serve as a glimpse into the lives of other people that also cross dress or otherwise explore gender.

Are you yourself a crossdresser?

Yes!

How would you identify with your gender identity? Do you identify as transgender? Why or why not?

I don’t like to slot myself into one identity.  I find that somewhat constricting when it comes to sexuality and gender.  But I can relate to non-binary and genderfluid.  And I like to consider those under the trans umbrella.

How would you classify your sexuality?

I would classify myself as having a submissive feminine sexual identity, and attracted to dominant feminine energy.  

Are you open about your crossdressing/sexuality/gender?What was that coming out process like?

I am only out to my wife IRL.  That process, as you can or will hear in the podcast, was not ideal.  It came out with her discovering pictures on my computer.  That started off the conversation in a really negative way as it damaged a lot of trust between us.  If I had told her earlier on in our relationship, things would have worked out a lot better.  She is very open minded and accepting of LGBTQ and various sexual kinks.  

In your Curi – YAAS conversation with Giselle, you talk about not being open about your crossdressing to your workmates because they’re older and they wouldn’t understand. Where do you think your perception of them not understanding stems from? Would it change the work dynamic if they knew about Candice?

I work in a small company of about 20 people.  Many of whom I have known for about 10-15 years, and the others are quite a bit younger.  Therefore I think they would get over it and accept me because they have known me for so long.  However, I work as a consultant for various companies.  And I have worked with probably over 200 by now, so I have to deal with new people all of the time.  My industry tends to be an older and more conservative-leaning crowd.  Much of my work involves working in and around small remote communities.  So I feel as though if I were open about this, it would expose me to the judgement (or perceived judgement) of a lot of different people.  And the risk to my career as I transition into a leadership role is a big concern.  Not to mention that my boss of 15 years has shown himself to be a bigoted individual towards people that are LGBTQ.

You also discussed with Giselle the sexual component of crossdressing…would you care to elaborate on that? What about crossdressing gets you turned on?

There are many parts to it that are sexually charged.  For one, its the anticipation of having the chance to dress up.  When it’s something that can’t always be done, it adds a certain element of built-up energy.  It’s like a seed that just starts to grow.  I might be inspired by an outfit I see on the street, and I think about how that would look on me.  I look for that outfit online.. thinking about the day that I might actually order it and try it on.  Then when the day comes, and I get dressed up.  I look in the mirror and feel good about what I see.  Not like, “hey I’m hot”, it’s more like, damn I look fine.  As a dude, I rarely every feel sexy.  But when I dress up, I actually FEEL sexy.  It’s an exhilarating feeling to embody the sexual energy, instead of as a man just seeking out the feminine sexual energy.  Then there is the tactile nature of all of the different clothes and how they are tight and often form fitting.

You talk about your children with Giselle and breaking gender binaries down with them. How did you come about that conclusion and what is the significance of that moving forward in your children’s upbringing?

It was an approach that my wife and I had early on when we had our first. (in retrospect this sounds like it would have been a great segue to share about my personal gender identity). We didn’t want to go as far as waiting to gender them until they are old enough to do it themselves.  I think that can be too confusing for people around them.  We have always referred to our son as a boy and our daughter as a girl.  We didn’t find out their gender when my wife was pregnant, so right from the get-go, we set the stage for baby gifts from family and friends needing to be gender-neutral.  We have tried to encourage hobbies, toys and activities that boys or girls like to both of our kids.  And we let them choose what they want to do.  Presently, our boy like most typical boy things, and our girl likes mostly typical girl things.  But they are free to chose what they genuinely like.  We have tried to remove as many gender barriers as possible for them, as I think they will appreciate that gender-norms and practices in the school and workplace can be limitations to their potential.  

Does passing play an importance when you are Candice? In what ways do you try or not try to pass?

I always aim to pass when I dress.  I don’t feel comfortable blending gender presentations. I try to pass with the best makeup as possible, and shaving my face very close.  Luckily I don’t have much body hair to deal with, and I generally don’t shave my legs or arms.  Wigs end up being an essential piece for me.  I don’t use wigs or hip/but enhancements.  I am athletic, so I have a lean body shape and my shoulders aren’t very broad either, so I think that helps.

If you had a style when you’re dressed as Candice, what would you say that is? How did you develop it?

I tend to gravitate towards more glamorous evening wear.  I say yes to sparkles and sequins!  I don’t think I really have a style.  I tend to be fairly eclectic.  Which is to say, I don’t really have very many clothes yet.

Do you have a favorite place to shop?

I used to love ordering from Charlotte Russe.  I loved almost everything from there.  I have filled my cart a few times, but never ordered, from Shein and Boohoo.

What’s your favorite thing to wear and why?

I have always had a thing for pantyhose.  So it’s a must for just about every outfit!  It’s hard to say why, but they just feel amazing to wear.

What do you wish you did differently in your life? Do you have any regrets?

I wish I had explored my gender expression and sexuality more when I was in my early 20’s.  When I was single and still defining myself.  Once you are on a career path with a wife and kids, it becomes a lot harder to do that.  Life gets busy and there is a lot less time for ones self.  I think that is why a lot of crossdressing men come out in their 60’s.  They have retired and their kids have grown up, and they find themselves with the time to look inward and explore those parts about themselves they they tucked away for so long. 

 What advice would you give to other crossdressers/transgender individuals?

Read and listen to as many resources as possible.  There is so much out there now, there is no excuse.  The sooner that you start exploring your identity the better.  If you hide it, you risk damaging a relationship that you may be in like I did.

Would you recommend others to come onto the podcast? Why or why not?

Yes, absolutely.  It is somewhat of a therapeutic experience.  Giselle also asks the tough questions in order to challenge some listeners in some things that may be holding them back.  I may, in the future, refer people to my episode if it makes sense.

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Curi – YAAS Convo with Viv Q&A!

In episode 98 and 101, Vivienne comes on to the podcast to tell her story. Here’s our Q & A with her.

How old are you and where are you from?

I’m 32 years old from a Chicago suburb, currently living in Chicago.

What brings you to the podcast?

I really enjoy the themed but loose podcast format. Crossdressing is long time interest of mine and I was able to find the podcast through Reddit.

Are you a crossdresser?

Yes. I like wearing feminine clothing. I have a “full complement” wardrobe. Tops, bottoms, shoes, underwear, wigs, and makeup.

Do you consider yourself transgender? Why or why not?

Your arguments that crossdressing is on the transgender spectrum is compelling. I think I probably have some things in common with people who are seeking transition, but I feel my struggle is far less. I wouldn’t ever describe myself as transgender, but your podcast has encouraged me to consider the term.

In your opinion, is a crossdresser also transgender? Why or why not?

I think “between gender” is one way to describe transgender. I think it probably comes down to is “transgender” the destination or the journey? Does “transgender” have an agreed-upon destination? I think to say it does is somewhat exclusionary, but that exclusion may be helpful for some. As a crossdresser, I’d rather wait for an invitation to the transgender party than crash it

What was your first memorable crossdressing experience?

Hmm… I remember when I was a kid, maybe 6-8 grade, somewhere in there. I wanted to go swimming, but I didn’t have my swim suit. My aunt offered to lend me a bikini to wear, and I said “I’ll wear that!” I strutted in that thing. There are still cringe-worthy photos of it which I still have. It was a stunt that played for laughs, but it was fun

How would you identify with your sexuality? Your sexual preference?

I would identify as bisexual, but pretty biased towards women.

How have you explored your sexuality?

Yes. I have enjoyed some and not enjoyed others.

Your bath house experiences sounded exhilarating and at the same time scary. Would you care to elaborate on that? Would you recommend others who question their sexuality to do the same?

There is enough to say on that to fill probably 6 months worth of therapy. I think I was curious and horny, and I’m not sure which one more. I don’t regret it, and I wish it was the sort of thing I could talk about it more. I would guess it’s even hard to talk about even if one was an out gay or bisexual person. I would say sometimes it’s fun to think about going back, but it may not be in the cards for me personally. I would absolutely recommend it for someone who is horny and curious. The bathhouses (at least the one I went to) are fully aware with the risks involved, and they are designed to minimize those as much as possible. You only get one go around, do it! (But definitely be safe

Where did you get the inspiration for the name Viv/Vivienne? Why did you choose that name for yourself?

In French class in junior high, I chose the masculine name “Vivian” as a name. It came from a list and I thought the letter V was cool. I got teased a lot for it sounding like a girl’s name. I guess it only made sense for it to be my femme name.

How important is passing to you?

I would love to pass. I get a charge if I think I do. I currently don’t have the discipline to learn how change the things I can change to best pull it off. And that’s okay, because I don’t have to look at myself in the mirror, and I can take carefully designed photographs, and that’s fun enough for me. But, I know it doesn’t feel good to get clocked.

Are you public about your crossdressing? Why or why not? Who knows about Viv?

My girlfriend knows I like to dress, but that’s about it. She doesn’t know about “Viv” by name. She is loving and wants to be supportive, we just haven’t figured out how yet. I’ve told girlfriends in the past who had similar views. No one else really knows, or at least I don’t know they know.

Do you think you’ll eventually go public?

“Public” public? Probably not. For me, it’s more of an “in the bedroom” thing, as well as maybe an every-so-often visit to the outside world. I don’t think I need to be public about that.

What would you say your style is? How did you develop it?

I always find myself buying the same type of dress: modestly colored 50s style flare dresses. Or tight miniskirt dresses. I’m not particularly fashion conscious.

What’s your favorite thing to wear?

I like sexy clothes. I like underthings. Nylons/tights, underwear, bras. That and tight clothes. When in femme mode, I like to feel what I’m wearing.

What do you wish you did differently in your life?

I like where I am and the mistakes that I have made. If I’m trying to find something, I wish I had found a compatible therapist sooner. I had a bad one, then quit for a few years, and now I have a great one.

What advice would you give to other crossdressers? Advice for other bisexual crossdressers?

Consider that it may or probably not dissipate with age. How would you want to proceed if you knew it was going to last a lifetime? Being a crossdresser doesn’t mean anything bigger than what it means. It doesn’t mean you’re gay, it doesn’t mean you’ll have elective surgery, it doesn’t mean you’re not a man. Any of those things may turn out to be true, but it’s up to you. Listen to yourself and come up with a working model that works for you.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? Where do you see Viv in that picture?

Viv is not going away, it seems. Her and I are trying to figure out how to coexist. My goal is to be more and more confident in that over the next 5, 10 years. I’d like to take advantage of what youth I have left.

Would you recommend others to come on the podcast? Why or why not?

Talk to Giselle, you will figure it out. She’s easy and fun to talk to. She will probably try to convince you to be on the podcast. I would say: have a phone call with her, let her record it, and if you feel good about it let her post it. You never know what might be helpful for someone. There will always be someone metaphorically 20 feet behind you and someone who is metaphorically 20 feet ahead of you. I’d like to think that by being on the podcast, I was helpful to the people behind me.