In episode 98 and 101, Vivienne comes on to the podcast to tell her story. Here’s our Q & A with her.
How old are you and where are you from?
I’m 32 years old from a Chicago suburb, currently living in Chicago.
What brings you to the podcast?
I really enjoy the themed but loose podcast format. Crossdressing is long time interest of mine and I was able to find the podcast through Reddit.
Are you a crossdresser?
Yes. I like wearing feminine clothing. I have a “full complement” wardrobe. Tops, bottoms, shoes, underwear, wigs, and makeup.
Do you consider yourself transgender? Why or why not?
Your arguments that crossdressing is on the transgender spectrum is compelling. I think I probably have some things in common with people who are seeking transition, but I feel my struggle is far less. I wouldn’t ever describe myself as transgender, but your podcast has encouraged me to consider the term.
In your opinion, is a crossdresser also transgender? Why or why not?
I think “between gender” is one way to describe transgender. I think it probably comes down to is “transgender” the destination or the journey? Does “transgender” have an agreed-upon destination? I think to say it does is somewhat exclusionary, but that exclusion may be helpful for some. As a crossdresser, I’d rather wait for an invitation to the transgender party than crash it
What was your first memorable crossdressing experience?
Hmm… I remember when I was a kid, maybe 6-8 grade, somewhere in there. I wanted to go swimming, but I didn’t have my swim suit. My aunt offered to lend me a bikini to wear, and I said “I’ll wear that!” I strutted in that thing. There are still cringe-worthy photos of it which I still have. It was a stunt that played for laughs, but it was fun
How would you identify with your sexuality? Your sexual preference?
I would identify as bisexual, but pretty biased towards women.
How have you explored your sexuality?
Yes. I have enjoyed some and not enjoyed others.
Your bath house experiences sounded exhilarating and at the same time scary. Would you care to elaborate on that? Would you recommend others who question their sexuality to do the same?
There is enough to say on that to fill probably 6 months worth of therapy. I think I was curious and horny, and I’m not sure which one more. I don’t regret it, and I wish it was the sort of thing I could talk about it more. I would guess it’s even hard to talk about even if one was an out gay or bisexual person. I would say sometimes it’s fun to think about going back, but it may not be in the cards for me personally. I would absolutely recommend it for someone who is horny and curious. The bathhouses (at least the one I went to) are fully aware with the risks involved, and they are designed to minimize those as much as possible. You only get one go around, do it! (But definitely be safe
Where did you get the inspiration for the name Viv/Vivienne? Why did you choose that name for yourself?
In French class in junior high, I chose the masculine name “Vivian” as a name. It came from a list and I thought the letter V was cool. I got teased a lot for it sounding like a girl’s name. I guess it only made sense for it to be my femme name.
How important is passing to you?
I would love to pass. I get a charge if I think I do. I currently don’t have the discipline to learn how change the things I can change to best pull it off. And that’s okay, because I don’t have to look at myself in the mirror, and I can take carefully designed photographs, and that’s fun enough for me. But, I know it doesn’t feel good to get clocked.
Are you public about your crossdressing? Why or why not? Who knows about Viv?
My girlfriend knows I like to dress, but that’s about it. She doesn’t know about “Viv” by name. She is loving and wants to be supportive, we just haven’t figured out how yet. I’ve told girlfriends in the past who had similar views. No one else really knows, or at least I don’t know they know.
Do you think you’ll eventually go public?
“Public” public? Probably not. For me, it’s more of an “in the bedroom” thing, as well as maybe an every-so-often visit to the outside world. I don’t think I need to be public about that.
What would you say your style is? How did you develop it?
I always find myself buying the same type of dress: modestly colored 50s style flare dresses. Or tight miniskirt dresses. I’m not particularly fashion conscious.
What’s your favorite thing to wear?
I like sexy clothes. I like underthings. Nylons/tights, underwear, bras. That and tight clothes. When in femme mode, I like to feel what I’m wearing.
What do you wish you did differently in your life?
I like where I am and the mistakes that I have made. If I’m trying to find something, I wish I had found a compatible therapist sooner. I had a bad one, then quit for a few years, and now I have a great one.
What advice would you give to other crossdressers? Advice for other bisexual crossdressers?
Consider that it may or probably not dissipate with age. How would you want to proceed if you knew it was going to last a lifetime? Being a crossdresser doesn’t mean anything bigger than what it means. It doesn’t mean you’re gay, it doesn’t mean you’ll have elective surgery, it doesn’t mean you’re not a man. Any of those things may turn out to be true, but it’s up to you. Listen to yourself and come up with a working model that works for you.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? Where do you see Viv in that picture?
Viv is not going away, it seems. Her and I are trying to figure out how to coexist. My goal is to be more and more confident in that over the next 5, 10 years. I’d like to take advantage of what youth I have left.
Would you recommend others to come on the podcast? Why or why not?
Talk to Giselle, you will figure it out. She’s easy and fun to talk to. She will probably try to convince you to be on the podcast. I would say: have a phone call with her, let her record it, and if you feel good about it let her post it. You never know what might be helpful for someone. There will always be someone metaphorically 20 feet behind you and someone who is metaphorically 20 feet ahead of you. I’d like to think that by being on the podcast, I was helpful to the people behind me.
