In Episode 129, Stephanie Fredericks, a crossdresser and genderfluid individual comes onto the podcast to tell her story. Here's our Q&A with her.
How old are you and where are you from?
I am 49 years old, I was born in TX, but moved all around and now live in Arizona.
What brings you to the podcast?
I wanted to tell my story because I hope it will someday help someone that listens to this in the future feel comfortable about being who they are. And not fear telling family and friends. It can be hard but it's not impossible.
Do you consider yourself a crossdresser? Why or why not? Do you even like the term crossdresser? How’d you come to that conclusion?
I used to call my dressing just a hobby, and then I came to terms that I was a crossdresser. And I don't mind that term because it was exactly what I was doing. As time went on I realized that it has always been something more. There was something more inside me that loved femininity. I came to the conclusion just through time, educating myself, listening to podcasts(especially this one), and deep thought about how I really feel.
How would you identify with your gender identity? You said genderfluid with your chat with Giselle. But do you think you fall under the transgender umbrella? Why or why not?
I identify as genderfluid and I absolutely also feel that falls under the Trans umbrella. I wasn't sure about that until last year when reading more and more about what it is that defines the Trans umbrella and things just started making sense. One good book I read that helped with my identity was "Seeing Gender" by Iris Gottlieb.
How would you classify your sexuality? How did you come to terms with that?
I always considered myself straight and happily married to a Cis woman. I'm not sure if the fact that I am on HRT changes anything because I don't feel the need to fully transition as a woman.
Why did you decide to start HRT? You talk about HRT lite... but how did you come to the conclusion to start it? DId you seek a gender therapist beforehand? Did that help?
I didn't seek a therapist beforehand because after researching micro-dosing and having my practitioner tell me more about it, I knew that it was right for me and probably what my body has been needing to make me feel complete. It's hard to explain the feeling but it's one of those feelings you can't ignore. It was recommended that I now see a therapist while on HRT so I am getting a referral for one.
What's your biggest fear with this transition? HRT can be a scary word for some, but are you yourself scared?
I'm not scared but some things do still make me nervous. It is going to change my body and some things may be irreversible. I wonder sometimes, if for some reason down the road I feel that it is not working physiologically like I had thought, what happens next?
The thing that stood out in your Curi - YAAS convo with Giselle you discussed your terrible relationship with your ex-wife, who shared the same name as Giselle's girlfriend from hell, Jenn... What the hell is wrong with her? Why are some of the worst people named Jenn?!
She was greedy, selfish, and just overall not a very empathetic person. And the second question makes me think that someone should do a scientific study on why that is.
All jokes aside, you've come out a better, and stronger human being because of that relationship with your ex-wife Jenn. How did you do it? What advice can you offer people who are coming out of a bad relationship?
Thank you. I'd definitely say I learned a lot from that relationship and came out stronger. I was young and I probably married too "spur of the moment" in the first place. But, once I saw some warning signs that we probably weren't compatible I should have sought help and not just hoped things would get better naturally. My advice for coming out of a bad relationship is to take a break, as long as you need, and reassess what type of person you really want to be with and if you do meet someone new, take your time and make sure they are the right one.
Your wife Gwen sounds like a wonderful human being! How do you maintain a great relationship with her? What is your favorite thing about her? Why is she so awesome!
Gwen's amazing! And we have a great relationship because we care about each other, pay attention to each other, and are always making sure each other has what we need. We also spend lots of time together because we enjoy each other's company, but are also able to go do our own things if needed. She's beautiful and great in many ways but my favorite thing about her is how she can handle any social situation, even if it's uncomfortable. I lack that skill and have learned a lot from her.
COVID-19 has been a struggle for all of us, how has your Steph self been affected with the pandemic?
There were some things that I wanted to do more as Steph in public but being at home a lot actually allowed me (Steph) to thrive, not only because I dressed more but because I had a lot of time off to educate myself and really think more about who I am inside.
What would you say your style is? Tell us about your fashion sense!
When glamming up I love Pin up, polkadots, business casual, and sundresses. During the work day I've been experimenting with some genderfluid clothing.
What's your favorite thing to wear? Do you have a go-to outfit?
Favorite things to wear are sundresses. Also I dress every night in femme Pjs, a bandana, and eyeliner. It's just my nightly comfort go-to.
What do you wish you did differently in your life? Do you have any regrets?
I think all of us say this but I wish I would've started dressing and coming out earlier in life. But it's all situational and everyone's life is different so I am also extremely happy with where I'm at at this point in my life. I'm very lucky.
My Grandad died at 90 and he was always a funny man and a good prankster. After the funeral my family was cleaning his house and found some pictures of him dressed in lingerie in his later years. They didn't make fun of him but laughed and cast it off at how this was probably his last prank to the family. I'm glad they thought of it that way and not something negative but I looked at those pictures and saw a sad man that probably suppressed his entire life that he was a crossdresser or maybe even more.
We obviously know a lot about Steph in your talk with Giselle… tell us something you omitted about Steph that you wish you told The CrossYAAS Podcast!
I wished I would've stated how much I love helping younger crossdressers on social media. When I first went public it was for validation for me and yes, at first I was interested in numbers and comments. Then younger CDs started reaching out to me for advice and I loved it and realized that just me being public and visible and confident was really helping some others to come out of their shell and also not fear showing their true selves to the public. It makes me feel good when someone says that I gave them the confidence to be visible.
What advice would you give to other crossdressers/transgender/non-binary/other individuals?
Read everything you can and learn about who you are. Get help if it's difficult because it can be. And don't be afraid to ask people with experience. They most likely went through most of what you are going through.
Would you recommend others to come onto the podcast? Why or why not?
I may have been one of Giselle's most nervous guests, even though she didn't think so, and her interview style quickly conquered my fear and I easily told my story. It was therapeutic and made me hope that someday in the future my story may relate to someone new to this and is wondering how to navigate it. No matter where you are in your experience with this it will help you to talk and probably help someone else that is listening to the episode.
Episode 129 features Stephanie Fredericks, a 49-year-old crossdresser/genderfluid individual from Arizona. She comes onto the CrossYAAS Podcast to tell her story in another installment of Curi- YAAS Conversations with host Giselle Mirasol.
In Episode 128, Dottie, a crossdresser from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania comes on the podcast to tell her story. Here's our Q & A with her.
How old are you and where are you from?
I'm 27 and from Philadelphia.
What brings you to the podcast?
My friend Madi invited me to the discord server so I started listening to some episodes after joining. I think it's great to hear voices of other people in the community and their stories. You can learn a lot about yourself from empathizing with the experiences of others.
Do you consider yourself a crossdresser? Why or why not? How’d you come to that conclusion?
I don't really like the term "crossdresser" but it's the simplest way to convey to somebody what I basically do so I use it.
How would you identify with your gender identity? Do you think you fall under the transgender umbrella? Why or why not?
I call myself genderfluid, which falls under the "T" umbrella to me more than it does "Q" or "+". Honestly, I think labels are stupid and overrated but we still kind of need them to define things for people who have trouble understanding it. Basically, I present masculine most of the time, but when I want to and can I present feminine. I'm still the same person at the end of the day, just some days I'm prettier than others!
How would you classify your sexuality? How did you come to terms with that?
I don't really know how to define it exactly, I just know I'm attracted to feminine people. I don't have an issue with any specific bits downstairs, I just know I just find femininity very sexy and attractive. It's part of the reason why I present the way I do in the first place, I want to feel good about my appearance and look like somebody I would be attracted to. So I'm whatever that is, I like girls!
Are you public about Dottie? Who knows about Dottie and what was that coming out process like, if you did come out? If you haven’t, why haven’t you?
My social media is public for the most part, but I'm not "out" about it to most of the people in my life. My mom knows about it but she doesn't want to be a part of it, and I don't want her to be involved either. Doing this is something that I do for myself, it shouldn't affect anyone else but the unfortunate reality is that it does. It would be different if I defined myself as a Drag Queen or Trans, but I am a part of this weird in-between space that's more difficult to understand than either of those. Not to say it would be any easier as whole coming out as the aforementioned labels, but people nowadays have a better understanding of who those people are. At the end of the day, it's not really anybody else's business. If I had a partner, I would have to come out to them, as a relationship with me wouldn't work if they couldn't accept Dottie.
How important is passing to you? Would you say you have passing privilege?
My goal is to look like what I think a woman looks like in my head. That's not to say other interpretations of femininity aren't valid of course, this presentation is just what I personally like. So that's the goal, to "pass". I'm not sure if I fully attain this goal but I try really frickin hard to.
In your Curi - YAAS Conversation with Giselle, you talk about presenting Dottie in the most hyperfeminine of ways just like Giselle. Tell us more! Giselle loves being slutty, but would you say you feel the same? Or is it something else? Like, why be hyperfeminine?
I would say I try to be more flirty than slutty! I think of femininity and masculinity as very binary definitions, so when I present fem I try to put out the most feminine aura I can achieve. As to why...cause it's fun! Also if I'm going to take a million hours to do makeup and hair I'm not just going to put on a t-shirt and jeans and call it a day, I'm cranking it up to 11.
You also wear a breastplate when you become Dottie. What made you decide to wear a breastplate? What are some pros and cons that people don't realize when wearing one?
I think that goes along with the hyperfeminine thing, to me that means you gotta have some cleavage. I've wanted one for as long as I can remember, but never had the means to store or purchase one until recently (thank you stimulus!). I got one that is like a crop top, It doesn't have any straps or anything so it limits the sort of outfits you can wear if you are trying to hide the seams and make them look as natural as possible. Most of my wardrobe either doesn't really work well with them since it wasn't an issue for me before, or completely covers them up which sorta negates the whole point of wearing them. They for sure help shape your upper body and take eyes away from the flaws in your figure that way and of course add more curve to your silhouette. If I had to purchase them again, I would maybe get one with neck straps and go a little bit lighter on the skin tone. Also I would go bigger!
Safe to say COVID - 19 has had a major effect on the world. How have you been affected by this pandemic Dottie? Have you felt any benefit or loss during this pandemic with regards to your gender identity?
Before the pandemic, I just began going out in public to bars and clubs en-fem. It was so much fun, but then it was taken away through no fault of my own. I realized that once you take the next step, level up so to speak, it's really difficult to go back down. Mentally that is. Given the circumstances, I couldn't go out anyway so I was forced to just be fem alone in my house. That sucked! A benefit was that over the last year, I focused on experimenting and trying harder with makeup. I don't love makeup, in fact I loathe the process. However I recognize I need to do it to even make an attempt at achieving my goal, so I tried really hard at getting better with it.
Clearly your style is the best. Madi stole what you wore when you did that Instagram Live together.. So what would you say your style is? What kind of fashion sense would you say you have that makes everyone want to BE Dottie?
Thank you! Madi is just creatively bankrupt and can't come up with any outfit on her own so she just steals my ideas. That's exactly what I do though. The best artists steal! I really just look at what other people are wearing and either replicate a look like theirs for myself or I put my own twist on it.
What's your favorite thing to wear? Do you have a go-to outfit? Do you dress differently in private than you do in public?
My favorite thing to wear is probably pleated skirts believe it or not. I think there is something super cute and flirty about a pleated skirt and a top that complements. I for sure dress differently at home than when I go out. At home I try more elaborate shapewear since I know I'm only going to be wearing it for a little while. In public I try to be a little less revealing and more comfortable. Going to the bathroom in public is already stressful enough in the first place, I don't want to add padding, Spanx, and several layers of tights on to that stress.
What do you wish you did differently in your life? Do you have any regrets?
I wish I would have started going out sooner than I did, but I didn't have anyone I was comfortable enough with to do so.
We obviously know a lot about Dottie in your talk with Giselle… tell us something you omitted about Dottie that you wish you told The CrossYAAS Podcast!
I think we alluded to it with the "Yu-gi-oh!" tangent but I am a huge frickin nerd. I probably like or have some sort of strong opinion on whatever nerdy thing you can think of.
What advice would you give to other crossdressers/transgender/non-binary/other individuals?
If you are struggling with how you look, you just have to keep putting in the work until you get happy with it. That happiness is going to be different for everyone, some people want to just put on a dress and some people need to be medically treated for gender dysphoria. You are the only person who knows what will make you happy, so you should work towards getting there. You only get one shot at living life, so just live it the happiest way you can.
Would you recommend others to come onto the podcast? Why or why not?
Of course! I had a really fun conversation and I hope to be invited back in the future. Everybody should join the discord as well!
Episode 128 features Dottie, a 27-year-old crossdresser from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, who comes on the CrossYAAS podcast to share her story with Giselle.
Giselle offers an update on the Transgender Freakout Episode in episode 122, where it was determined that a woman most likely fabricated the story of a "Man with a penis" in the women's section of the spa, and how the whole incident sparked violent protests.