In Episode 128, Dottie, a crossdresser from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania comes on the podcast to tell her story. Here’s our Q & A with her.
How old are you and where are you from?
I’m 27 and from Philadelphia.
What brings you to the podcast?
My friend Madi invited me to the discord server so I started listening to some episodes after joining. I think it’s great to hear voices of other people in the community and their stories. You can learn a lot about yourself from empathizing with the experiences of others.
Do you consider yourself a crossdresser? Why or why not? How’d you come to that conclusion?
I don’t really like the term “crossdresser” but it’s the simplest way to convey to somebody what I basically do so I use it.
How would you identify with your gender identity? Do you think you fall under the transgender umbrella? Why or why not?
I call myself genderfluid, which falls under the “T” umbrella to me more than it does “Q” or “+”. Honestly, I think labels are stupid and overrated but we still kind of need them to define things for people who have trouble understanding it. Basically, I present masculine most of the time, but when I want to and can I present feminine. I’m still the same person at the end of the day, just some days I’m prettier than others!
How would you classify your sexuality? How did you come to terms with that?
I don’t really know how to define it exactly, I just know I’m attracted to feminine people. I don’t have an issue with any specific bits downstairs, I just know I just find femininity very sexy and attractive. It’s part of the reason why I present the way I do in the first place, I want to feel good about my appearance and look like somebody I would be attracted to. So I’m whatever that is, I like girls!
Are you public about Dottie? Who knows about Dottie and what was that coming out process like, if you did come out? If you haven’t, why haven’t you?
My social media is public for the most part, but I’m not “out” about it to most of the people in my life. My mom knows about it but she doesn’t want to be a part of it, and I don’t want her to be involved either. Doing this is something that I do for myself, it shouldn’t affect anyone else but the unfortunate reality is that it does. It would be different if I defined myself as a Drag Queen or Trans, but I am a part of this weird in-between space that’s more difficult to understand than either of those. Not to say it would be any easier as whole coming out as the aforementioned labels, but people nowadays have a better understanding of who those people are. At the end of the day, it’s not really anybody else’s business. If I had a partner, I would have to come out to them, as a relationship with me wouldn’t work if they couldn’t accept Dottie.
How important is passing to you? Would you say you have passing privilege?
My goal is to look like what I think a woman looks like in my head. That’s not to say other interpretations of femininity aren’t valid of course, this presentation is just what I personally like. So that’s the goal, to “pass”. I’m not sure if I fully attain this goal but I try really frickin hard to.
In your Curi – YAAS Conversation with Giselle, you talk about presenting Dottie in the most hyperfeminine of ways just like Giselle. Tell us more! Giselle loves being slutty, but would you say you feel the same? Or is it something else? Like, why be hyperfeminine?
I would say I try to be more flirty than slutty! I think of femininity and masculinity as very binary definitions, so when I present fem I try to put out the most feminine aura I can achieve. As to why…cause it’s fun! Also if I’m going to take a million hours to do makeup and hair I’m not just going to put on a t-shirt and jeans and call it a day, I’m cranking it up to 11.
You also wear a breastplate when you become Dottie. What made you decide to wear a breastplate? What are some pros and cons that people don’t realize when wearing one?
I think that goes along with the hyperfeminine thing, to me that means you gotta have some cleavage. I’ve wanted one for as long as I can remember, but never had the means to store or purchase one until recently (thank you stimulus!). I got one that is like a crop top, It doesn’t have any straps or anything so it limits the sort of outfits you can wear if you are trying to hide the seams and make them look as natural as possible. Most of my wardrobe either doesn’t really work well with them since it wasn’t an issue for me before, or completely covers them up which sorta negates the whole point of wearing them. They for sure help shape your upper body and take eyes away from the flaws in your figure that way and of course add more curve to your silhouette. If I had to purchase them again, I would maybe get one with neck straps and go a little bit lighter on the skin tone. Also I would go bigger!
Safe to say COVID – 19 has had a major effect on the world. How have you been affected by this pandemic Dottie? Have you felt any benefit or loss during this pandemic with regards to your gender identity?
Before the pandemic, I just began going out in public to bars and clubs en-fem. It was so much fun, but then it was taken away through no fault of my own. I realized that once you take the next step, level up so to speak, it’s really difficult to go back down. Mentally that is. Given the circumstances, I couldn’t go out anyway so I was forced to just be fem alone in my house. That sucked! A benefit was that over the last year, I focused on experimenting and trying harder with makeup. I don’t love makeup, in fact I loathe the process. However I recognize I need to do it to even make an attempt at achieving my goal, so I tried really hard at getting better with it.
Clearly your style is the best. Madi stole what you wore when you did that Instagram Live together.. So what would you say your style is? What kind of fashion sense would you say you have that makes everyone want to BE Dottie?
Thank you! Madi is just creatively bankrupt and can’t come up with any outfit on her own so she just steals my ideas. That’s exactly what I do though. The best artists steal! I really just look at what other people are wearing and either replicate a look like theirs for myself or I put my own twist on it.
What’s your favorite thing to wear? Do you have a go-to outfit? Do you dress differently in private than you do in public?
My favorite thing to wear is probably pleated skirts believe it or not. I think there is something super cute and flirty about a pleated skirt and a top that complements. I for sure dress differently at home than when I go out. At home I try more elaborate shapewear since I know I’m only going to be wearing it for a little while. In public I try to be a little less revealing and more comfortable. Going to the bathroom in public is already stressful enough in the first place, I don’t want to add padding, Spanx, and several layers of tights on to that stress.
What do you wish you did differently in your life? Do you have any regrets?
I wish I would have started going out sooner than I did, but I didn’t have anyone I was comfortable enough with to do so.
We obviously know a lot about Dottie in your talk with Giselle… tell us something you omitted about Dottie that you wish you told The CrossYAAS Podcast!
I think we alluded to it with the “Yu-gi-oh!” tangent but I am a huge frickin nerd. I probably like or have some sort of strong opinion on whatever nerdy thing you can think of.
What advice would you give to other crossdressers/transgender/non-binary/other individuals?
If you are struggling with how you look, you just have to keep putting in the work until you get happy with it. That happiness is going to be different for everyone, some people want to just put on a dress and some people need to be medically treated for gender dysphoria. You are the only person who knows what will make you happy, so you should work towards getting there. You only get one shot at living life, so just live it the happiest way you can.
Would you recommend others to come onto the podcast? Why or why not?
Of course! I had a really fun conversation and I hope to be invited back in the future. Everybody should join the discord as well!