In Episode 129, Stephanie Fredericks, a crossdresser and genderfluid individual comes onto the podcast to tell her story. Here’s our Q&A with her.
How old are you and where are you from?
I am 49 years old, I was born in TX, but moved all around and now live in Arizona.
What brings you to the podcast?
I wanted to tell my story because I hope it will someday help someone that listens to this in the future feel comfortable about being who they are. And not fear telling family and friends. It can be hard but it’s not impossible.
Do you consider yourself a crossdresser? Why or why not? Do you even like the term crossdresser? How’d you come to that conclusion?
I used to call my dressing just a hobby, and then I came to terms that I was a crossdresser. And I don’t mind that term because it was exactly what I was doing. As time went on I realized that it has always been something more. There was something more inside me that loved femininity. I came to the conclusion just through time, educating myself, listening to podcasts(especially this one), and deep thought about how I really feel.
How would you identify with your gender identity? You said genderfluid with your chat with Giselle. But do you think you fall under the transgender umbrella? Why or why not?
I identify as genderfluid and I absolutely also feel that falls under the Trans umbrella. I wasn’t sure about that until last year when reading more and more about what it is that defines the Trans umbrella and things just started making sense. One good book I read that helped with my identity was “Seeing Gender” by Iris Gottlieb.
How would you classify your sexuality? How did you come to terms with that?
I always considered myself straight and happily married to a Cis woman. I’m not sure if the fact that I am on HRT changes anything because I don’t feel the need to fully transition as a woman.
Why did you decide to start HRT? You talk about HRT lite… but how did you come to the conclusion to start it? DId you seek a gender therapist beforehand? Did that help?
I didn’t seek a therapist beforehand because after researching micro-dosing and having my practitioner tell me more about it, I knew that it was right for me and probably what my body has been needing to make me feel complete. It’s hard to explain the feeling but it’s one of those feelings you can’t ignore. It was recommended that I now see a therapist while on HRT so I am getting a referral for one.
What’s your biggest fear with this transition? HRT can be a scary word for some, but are you yourself scared?
I’m not scared but some things do still make me nervous. It is going to change my body and some things may be irreversible. I wonder sometimes, if for some reason down the road I feel that it is not working physiologically like I had thought, what happens next?
The thing that stood out in your Curi – YAAS convo with Giselle you discussed your terrible relationship with your ex-wife, who shared the same name as Giselle’s girlfriend from hell, Jenn… What the hell is wrong with her? Why are some of the worst people named Jenn?!
She was greedy, selfish, and just overall not a very empathetic person. And the second question makes me think that someone should do a scientific study on why that is.
All jokes aside, you’ve come out a better, and stronger human being because of that relationship with your ex-wife Jenn. How did you do it? What advice can you offer people who are coming out of a bad relationship?
Thank you. I’d definitely say I learned a lot from that relationship and came out stronger. I was young and I probably married too “spur of the moment” in the first place. But, once I saw some warning signs that we probably weren’t compatible I should have sought help and not just hoped things would get better naturally. My advice for coming out of a bad relationship is to take a break, as long as you need, and reassess what type of person you really want to be with and if you do meet someone new, take your time and make sure they are the right one.
Your wife Gwen sounds like a wonderful human being! How do you maintain a great relationship with her? What is your favorite thing about her? Why is she so awesome!
Gwen’s amazing! And we have a great relationship because we care about each other, pay attention to each other, and are always making sure each other has what we need. We also spend lots of time together because we enjoy each other’s company, but are also able to go do our own things if needed. She’s beautiful and great in many ways but my favorite thing about her is how she can handle any social situation, even if it’s uncomfortable. I lack that skill and have learned a lot from her.
COVID-19 has been a struggle for all of us, how has your Steph self been affected with the pandemic?
There were some things that I wanted to do more as Steph in public but being at home a lot actually allowed me (Steph) to thrive, not only because I dressed more but because I had a lot of time off to educate myself and really think more about who I am inside.
What would you say your style is? Tell us about your fashion sense!
When glamming up I love Pin up, polkadots, business casual, and sundresses. During the work day I’ve been experimenting with some genderfluid clothing.
What’s your favorite thing to wear? Do you have a go-to outfit?
Favorite things to wear are sundresses. Also I dress every night in femme Pjs, a bandana, and eyeliner. It’s just my nightly comfort go-to.
What do you wish you did differently in your life? Do you have any regrets?
I think all of us say this but I wish I would’ve started dressing and coming out earlier in life. But it’s all situational and everyone’s life is different so I am also extremely happy with where I’m at at this point in my life. I’m very lucky.
My Grandad died at 90 and he was always a funny man and a good prankster. After the funeral my family was cleaning his house and found some pictures of him dressed in lingerie in his later years. They didn’t make fun of him but laughed and cast it off at how this was probably his last prank to the family. I’m glad they thought of it that way and not something negative but I looked at those pictures and saw a sad man that probably suppressed his entire life that he was a crossdresser or maybe even more.
We obviously know a lot about Steph in your talk with Giselle… tell us something you omitted about Steph that you wish you told The CrossYAAS Podcast!
I wished I would’ve stated how much I love helping younger crossdressers on social media. When I first went public it was for validation for me and yes, at first I was interested in numbers and comments. Then younger CDs started reaching out to me for advice and I loved it and realized that just me being public and visible and confident was really helping some others to come out of their shell and also not fear showing their true selves to the public. It makes me feel good when someone says that I gave them the confidence to be visible.
What advice would you give to other crossdressers/transgender/non-binary/other individuals?
Read everything you can and learn about who you are. Get help if it’s difficult because it can be. And don’t be afraid to ask people with experience. They most likely went through most of what you are going through.
Would you recommend others to come onto the podcast? Why or why not?
I may have been one of Giselle’s most nervous guests, even though she didn’t think so, and her interview style quickly conquered my fear and I easily told my story. It was therapeutic and made me hope that someday in the future my story may relate to someone new to this and is wondering how to navigate it. No matter where you are in your experience with this it will help you to talk and probably help someone else that is listening to the episode.