Category: Podcast

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Curi – YAAS Conversation with Nicole L.

In episode 135 and 136, Nicole L. comes on the podcast to tell her story. Here’s our Q&A with her.

How old are you and where are you from?

I’m 33-years-old and from Ireland.

What brings you to the podcast?

I love the podcast and really wanted to reach out and find out more about our community and offer my experience as it may help someone listening.

How do you feel about the term crossdresser? Do you agree with the word? Is it an outdated term? Are you yourself a crossdresser? If so, how’d you come to that conclusion?

I prefer the term crossdresser to more derogatory terms like tranny or shemale. I think it’s a self explanatory term. I am a crossdresser because I love being femme dressed up 😊

With regards to your gender identity, you seem to not care about labels really, when you were speaking with Giselle in your Curi – YAAS conversation with her. So how would you classify your gender identity? Do you think we should just get rid of labels entirely?

Labels to me are confusing at times lol. It seems like there’s a new one every year. So to someone that doesn’t know anything about our community it must be even more confusing. But on the other hand labels are important to some people to help them feel like they belong.

Personally I think society has created too many ways to be a person, by that I mean I think we should be able to just be ourselves without judgment or labels, just be the person you want to be. As long as its not harming anyone else what does it matter what you call it 😊

With regards to your sexuality, you seem to be into women as you do have a fiancee (congratulations by the way!). How did you come to terms with that? The idea that you’re into women. Have you experimented at all with same sex relationships?

Thank you 😊 I’ve always respected women and have had girlfriends from middle school onward. I’ve never looked at guys that way. I do find other trans women attractive as I’m attracted to the female form 😊

You spoke about many things with Giselle, and one thing that made an impression was that you do have a 9-year-old son and you expressed worries about him discovering your Nicole alter ego. Do you feel any shame with Nicole when it comes to your son? What steps could you take to help your son understand what Nicole means to you? Or do you want to try and separate Nicole in your relationship with your son?

I don’t feel shame as such, more concern as although even if he knew and was fine with it, I’d be concerned if he told his friends at school as kids can be cruel. I don’t want him to experience ridicule because of me.

I don’t think any steps would need to be taken to help him understand as he’s been brought up to respect others. Unfortunately not every parent brings their children up this way and therefore it’s best to wait until he’s a little older. I will most likely tell him sometime 😊

If Nicole is an alter ego of your male self, what differences, if any, do you notice when you’re Nicole versus you in guy mode?

I’m more relaxed in girl mode. Guy me has his baggage and Nicole doesn’t carry it for him lol

You live in Ireland and you talked a little bit about the unique qualities the Irish have when it comes to the LGBTQ community in terms of acceptance. In your opinion, does the outlook of the LGBTQ community for Ireland look more positive, negative, or the same, and why?

I think its a positive outlook. For the most part I think people want to be more open minded and accepting. The LGBTQ community is supported in Ireland. Gay marriage is legal here and during pride month there are rainbow flags flown everywhere 😊

With over 27 thousand followers on Instagram, and an increasing online presence, how do you feel about being a so-called “influencer?” Do you consider yourself that? What does that even mean to you?

I don’t consider my self an influencer to be honest. If I’m helping people or just making them smile then I’ll keep posting. But mainly I do it for a confidence boost. I’m an extremely insecure person really so, putting myself out there in the spotlight of social media is me pushing myself to be more confident. 

COVID-19 has been a struggle for all of us, but how has Nicole been affected by the pandemic?

Nicole has had it easy lol guy me had some ups and downs but for the most part it’s been OK. Others have had it worse.

What would you say Nicole’s style is? Tell us about your fashion sense and how you developed it!

Fashion has been a turbulent ride 😅 I’ve styled Nicole’s look after many iconic females such as Audrey Hepburn, Christina agulara etc. I’ve just kept colour in my look. 

What’s your favorite thing to wear? Do you have a go-to outfit?

Skater skirts! I love them 💜 also bodycon dresses because who doesn’t love them? They’re sexy! Lingerie obviously 😍

What do you wish you did differently in your life? Do you have any regrets?

I wish I could tell 15 year old me that your not a freak, your not alone and that it’s gonna be OK. I wish I had accepted myself sooner, been braver, stronger… Been myself 😔

We obviously know a lot about Nicole in your talk with Giselle…but tell us something you omitted about Nicole that you wish you told The CrossYAAS Podcast!

Well being a crossdresser means you get to see life from a different prospective. You see it from a woman’s perspective. It makes us more intuitive and aware of our partners needs. It’s easy to forget just how lucky we are to experience that thought process as most of us spend a long time trying to suppress it. I say embrace it!

What advice would you give to other crossdressers/transgender/non-binary/genderfluid/other individuals?

Don’t be afraid to be yourself! Don’t be ashamed of yourself! Don’t let the haters get you down! You are different yes, but your uniqueness makes you special and the ones that appreciate that uniqueness are the ones worth your time.

Anything that costs your mental health is too expensive, so if you feel down about purging, shame or dysphoria ask yourself this question… Why am I letting the opinions of those around shape my future?

This world can be ugly and it can consume the unique beauty it holds within. But can be strong enough to weather it, you can be bold enough to be different and you can be bitchy enough to screw you to those who oppose you 😘

How will you approach Nicole moving forward? Does anything change after being on the podcast?

Nicole will stay the same sassy girl she’s become. Her makeup may change her style may alter, but her flare is permanent 😊 the podcast was a great experience. Talking to Giselle really helped me come out of my comfort zone. Also she’s the first crossdresser I’d spoken to in outside of DMs so that was great 😊

Would you recommend others to come onto the podcast? Why or why not?

Absolutely YAAS!! It’s an incredible resource for information for both crossdressers and their partners. Giselle is such an inspiration and a credit to the community. 😊

And finally, where can people support and follow Nicole on social media!
My Instagram and Tik Tok user name is x1xnicolex1x if you guys and girls wanna follow me 😘

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Curi – YAAS Convo with Lilly Q & A!

Episode 134 features Lilly, CrossYAAS Video Editor – in Chief and genderfluid individual who comes on the podcast to share her story. Here’s our full Q & A with Lilly.

How old are you and where are you from?

I just turned 24 in August and I’m from Southern California!

What brings you to the podcast?

I started listening to the podcast awhile back, but really started to get more involved when the CrossYAAS Confidential Discord server was created. I was really interested in sharing my own story, but I was afraid to do an interview because I didn’t want my family to accidentally overhear anything. Now that I’ve come out to them though, I have nothing holding me back!

How do you feel about the term crossdresser? Do you agree with the word? Is it an outdated term? Are you yourself a crossdresser? If so, how’d you come to that conclusion?

Personally, I feel like the term “crossdresser” has become a bit outdated and problematic. There’s definitely a certain stigma about the word that I don’t feel as comfortable with anymore. For a while I did identify with the term, but more recently I have realized that I am genderfluid and that the term “crossdresser” didn’t really do the best job of describing who I am.

With regards to your gender identity, you said genderfluid with your chat with Giselle, but do you care to elaborate on that? How’d you come to that specific label for yourself? Do you even like labels when it comes to your gender identity?

I really started to explore my own gender identity a bit more by connecting with others on Discord! For many years, I just thought that I was just a crossdresser, but after joining communities like our very own CrossYAAS Confidential Discord, sharing my experiences and listening to the experiences of others, I started to realize there was more to it than just clothes and makeup. Lilly is more than just a persona that I inhabit when I dress up, she’s her own person. I started exploring my gender identity a bit more, which usually involved a lot of self reflection and asking myself what I really want in the long term. Eventually I settled on genderfluid, although I have also explored the possibility that I am bigender. For me personally, labels don’t matter as much because all I really want is to be happy and comfortable with myself.

With regards to your sexuality, you said in your chat with Giselle that you were into femininity. Can you explain that a bit more? So you’re into everything feminine? Does that mean you’re still heterosexual?

I’m attracted to feminine presenting people, whether they are cisgender women, transgender women, crossdressers, genderfluid, nonbinary, etc.. I guess that would make me bisexual by some definitions, but largely I’d say that I am attracted to women. I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone else however, so this is mostly just speculation on my part. There’s a lot more experimenting I’d like to do before I completely figure things out!

You opened up a lot to Giselle and of the many things that stood out was your challenges with your parents and family. What did it take for you to finally muster up the courage to tell them? Do you think you’ll be able to tell more of your family members down the line? Are you worried about what they’ll think about you?

Having so many supportive friends online was probably one of the biggest sources of courage I had when I came out to my family. When I first came out to my mom, I was chatting with Sierra and another friend and they helped me calm down and take that first step. The same thing happened when I came out to my dad. Madi Millions, a friend of the show, really helped me overcome a lot of the fears that were holding me back. As for coming out to the rest of my family, there are a few people I would like to tell eventually. Unless I decide to transition however, there aren’t too many family members I plan on sharing things with. Their opinions about gender and sexuality are pretty rigid and I can definitely see some of them having a real problem with me being myself.

You also talked a bit about being in the movie industry and your worries about your gender identity being an issue in finding a job. How real is this fear? Have you heard of stories where people cannot find work in that industry because of who they are?

I actually have no real idea if my fears are real or unfounded. What I do know is that building a career in Hollywood often relies on making connections and first impressions. Whether or not me being genderfluid is something that could make or break my career is a big fear I have. Hopefully after I graduate and begin working in the industry I will get a better sense of things.

COVID-19 has been a struggle for all of us, but how has Lilly been affected with the pandemic?

For me personally, COVID-19 made it nearly impossible for me to have much “Lilly” time. I still hadn’t come out to my family yet, and with everyone staying at home, I had pretty much zero privacy. I went almost a whole year without being able to dress and the only thing that kept me sane were my friends. While I couldn’t dress up as Lilly, I still got to be her online when chatting with other crossdressers, genderfluid people and trans women. I actually think this was a big reason I realized that being Lilly was more than just a hobby and that she is a part of my identity.

What would you say Lilly’s style is? Tell us about your fashion sense and how you developed it!

When I first started crossdressing, I swung between super casual and super formal (my first purchases were a pair of black leggings and a red formal dress). After a little bit of experimenting with clothing and style, I think I’ve honed in on a nice balance between the two. My style tends to be pretty put together, but nothing that would be out of place in everyday situations. Most of my wardrobe consists of different colors and styles of tops which I pair with skirts. After Giselle’s wedding however, I’ve started to become a bit more interested in more “glamorous” outfits like the sequin dress I wore.

What’s your favorite thing to wear? Do you have a go-to outfit?

If I had to pick one outfit as my favorite, I’d probably say it’s my light pink blouse paired with a soft brown skirt with golden buttons. I find that I’m always reaching for that light pink top when I dress, and I’ve tried pairing it with practically every skirt in my wardrobe at least once.

What do you wish you did differently in your life? Do you have any regrets?

I think one thing I would’ve done differently is come out to my mom and dad at the same time instead of breaking it up over a year. Knowing how they would’ve reacted now it would’ve been easier to get past the awkwardness quickly. It would’ve also been a lot easier on my mom, as she really struggled keeping such a big thing secret from her best friend (my dad).

We obviously know a lot about Lilly in your talk with Giselle…but tell us something you omitted about Lilly that you wish you told The CrossYAAS Podcast!

I’m a huge nerd! My friend’s and I haven been playing Dungeons & Dragons every Friday and Sunday for over 2 years now. I’m the Dungeon Master for a campaign that takes place in the world of Ravnica, a setting from Magic: The Gathering, another game I’m quite fond of. Gender is something that I’ve even started exploring in my games, with friends who don’t know that I am genderfluid. It’s a very accepting environment to roleplay as someone of a different gender or sexual identity, and I definitely recommend that any listeners who are curious try it out. Maybe I’ll host a CrossYAAS D&D campaign in the future… who knows?!

What advice would you give to other crossdressers/transgender/non-binary/genderfluid/other individuals?

Don’t be afraid to reach out to others and share your identity with them. You’ll find you’re a lot less alone than you might think you are. Don’t be afraid to take steps that seem too difficult or impossible either! The biggest thing that stopped me from experimenting with crossdressing for so long was that I didn’t think I would be good enough at it. Things like learning makeup and buying clothes seemed like insurmountable obstacles to me and I spent years holding myself back because of those fears. But once I took those steps I realized how easy it was to just try new things and see how they made me feel. Don’t hold yourself back, get out there and have fun!

How will you approach Lilly moving forward? Does anything change after being on the podcast?

My approach to Lilly and my gender identity moving forward is to keep taking steps to get myself out there. Whether that means hanging out with friends as Lilly, going to weddings or just walking my dogs, I want to feel free to be myself more often. My journey is far from over and I’m excited to see where I’ll be in the next few years. Hopefully I can record more episodes with Giselle and other members of the CrossYAAS community as well!

Would you recommend others to come onto the podcast? Why or why not?

Absolutely! I think being able to voice your thoughts and stories with others is such an important part of discovering your own identity. It’s a great way to get out of your own head for a bit and see things a bit more objectively.

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Curi – YAAS Conversation with René Q & A!

Episode 133 features René, a crossdresser from the Netherlands. Here’s our Q&A with her!

How old are you and where are you from? 

I am 28 years old and I’m from the Netherlands

What brings you to the podcast? 

To find like minded people who you can offer support and swap ideas with.

How do you feel about the term crossdresser? Are you comfortable with the term? Do you agree with the word? Are you yourself a crossdresser? If so, how’d you come to that conclusion? 

In some ways yes, I consider myself a crossdresser, and in some ways no. Yes because as a male or female, you are dressing in clothes of the other sex and try to act like you are that gender. Then again, I also think no, because why do we need to have names and boxes for everything? People should be able to dress up how they want, regardless of their sex, and don’t necessarily need labels for everything.

How would you identify with your gender identity? You said you’re a crossdresser in your chat with Giselle, but what does that say about your gender identity? Do you think you fall under the transgender umbrella? Why or why not? 

I don’t see my self as a transgender because I am happy with who I am as a male and my crossdressing is just a part of me.

How would you classify your sexuality? How did you come to terms with that? 

I would say I am bisexual. I found that out after liking a boy on a holiday and I liked intimate contact with him, but I do find women attractive a bit more.

When speaking with Giselle, you talked a lot about being “in a mood” when becoming René. Can you elaborate more on that? What does that mean? What kind of moods are we talking about? 

It’s a state of mind I’m in. When I’m stressed, it tends to trigger this state and becoming René is a big stress reliever for me. Also when I see cute things, I want to bring her out.

You live in the Netherlands and your country seems so accepting of LGBTQ individuals and crossdressers. How do you think your country became that way? Do you recommend more people from Europe and around the world move to the Netherlands if they feel like they can’t be themselves? 

I think it has to do a lot with the history of this country and that Dutch people are more down to earth. Of course, there are people who don’t accept others, but most do as I feel most people feel like you should live how you want to live. Would I recommend my country? No, not really. The weather is crap and politically speaking, it’s a real mess here. 

You talked a little about your parents not being so accepting of your bisexuality and you touched a little on your crossdressing with them. Do you think they’ll ever understand your gender identity and/or your sexuality? Are you okay with them knowing or not knowing? 

Honestly it is what it is. I stopped caring about this a long time ago. If they don’t understand then they don’t and if they don’t know about my crossdressing then I’m all okay with that.

COVID-19 has been a struggle for all of us, how has René been affected by the pandemic?

Not that much really. Occasionally I’ll go out for a walk, but I still do not go out as much like I used to, but more because of COVID. My work got a lot more busy which meant less free time, so if anything, that has had a much bigger impact. 

What would you say your style is? Tell us about your fashion sense! 

I don’t have a fashion sense! haha its really bad, but I always try to go for rock/alternative, gothy types of fashion.

What’s your favorite thing to wear? Do you have a go-to outfit?

Boots, skinny jeans, definitely a leopard band shirt, and a denim jacket is my favorite outfit when I go outside.

What do you wish you did differently in your life? Do you have any regrets? 

I wish I was more honest with myself earlier. That’s all. 

We obviously know a lot about René in your talk with Giselle… tell us something you omitted about René that you wish you told The CrossYAAS Podcast! 

Nothing I can think of right now. Maybe something will come up later. Only thing I can think of is my new instagram username is: rene_reinetsu 

What advice would you give to other crossdressers/transgender/non-binary/genderfluid/other individuals? 

Listen to your own body and mind. Nobody else but yourself knows how you feel or want to dress.

Would you recommend others to come onto the podcast? Why or why not?

Fuck yes this community is amazing and gives a lot of support.

How will you approach René moving forward? Does anything change after being on the podcast?

Il continue to listen more to her and treat her better than I did in the past.

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Curi – YAAS Convo with Claire Q&A!

Episode 131 and 132 feature Claire, a 31-year-old genderfluid crossdresser currently living in Portland, Oregon. Here’s our Q&A with her

How old are you and where are you from?

I’m 31 years old and I’m originally from the Midwest of the United States.

What brings you to the podcast?

I have heard many other peoples’ stories and wanted to share mine to pay it forward and in hopes that it helps someone else as other peoples’ stories have helped me.

How do you feel about the term crossdresser? Do you agree with the word? Are you yourself a crossdresser? If so, how’d you come to that conclusion?

I feel that the term crossdresser carries a negative connotation to it.

I would consider myself a crossdresser, however I also feel that the term does not fully encapsulate who I am as a person, where as genderfluid/non-binary seems to be more fitting.

I realized I am a crossdresser, but I feel like it goes beyond the clothes, wig, and makeup. 

How would you identify with your gender identity? You said Non-binary genderfluid with your chat with Giselle. But do you think you fall under the transgender umbrella? Why or why not?

I absolutely fit under the transgender umbrella as my sense of identity does not completely match up with my birth sex. Non-binary/Genderfluid helps me communicate that I don’t fully identify with either gender binaries and that I my motivation to dress up as Claire changes day to day. 

How would you classify your sexuality? How did you come to terms with that?

I would say I’m attracted to femininity, but also to a certain degree pansexual, but I have yet to explore the boundaries of that.

I would say some therapy and introspection have helped me shed the layers of shame surrounding who I am and who I am attracted to.

Also the CrossYAAS podcast helped a ton as well!

You said many things to Giselle, and one thing that stood out was your relationship with your parents. Do you regret not coming out to them sooner? Are you satisfied with how it all went down the way it did?

I personally do not regret telling them sooner. I’ve always had a feeling they wouldn’t react well, and I felt I needed a layer of social support to be able to work up the courage to come out to them without needing their approval. I am happy the way I did it because I felt like they were able to understand that I was serious and that I cared about them. 

You seem so laid back with the crossdressing and your gender identity. How did you get to be this way? You make it seem so easy! What is your secret?

I recognized from a young age that this will always be a part of me, so I kind of accepted that it was here to stay whether I liked it or not. While it has caused some issues with previous relationships, I also know that it has made me a much more empathetic person and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without it. It’s taken me a long time to realize it’s not harming anyone, that it is a form of self-expression, and that my friends, that I’ve come out to, do truly just want me to be happy regardless of how I present myself. Also I realized that most people ultimately are too busy in their lives to care about other people’s life choices, and if they do care that’s just kind of weird.

COVID-19 has been a struggle for all of us, how has your Claire self been affected with the pandemic?

I feel that COVID-19 has been a struggle for everyone. I would say Claire got a lot of time to hone her makeup skills, but similar to everyone was just ready to get back out and socialize. 

What would you say your style is? Tell us about your fashion sense!

I love clothes that make me feel cute. I love anything flowy and practical. It feels nice to wear a high waisted skirt because you can be bloated and still look good. I guess a good portion of my style is dictated by Target as well. It’s super fun to experiment, but currently my style is cute and casual. 

What’s your favorite thing to wear? Do you have a go-to outfit?

I don’t currently have any go-to outfits, but I’d say if I had to throw something on quickly that works in most situations is a nice green wrap dress that has pocket and brown chunky block heel strappy sandals.

What do you wish you did differently in your life? Do you have any regrets?

I don’t really have any regrets in life as it has all led me to be where I am today. However, it  would have been nicer if I got to where I am today at a younger age. 

We obviously know a lot about Claire in your talk with Giselle… tell us something you omitted about Claire that you wish you told The CrossYAAS Podcast!

I love music, food, hiking, video games, movies, makeup and oxford commas.

What advice would you give to other crossdressers/transgender/non-binary/genderfluid/other individuals?

Be your best self, experiment, think about what brings you the most joy, and don’t feel shame for what society may not accept. Also put yourself out there more, do things that make you a bit nervous, and experience what life has to offer. 

Would you recommend others to come onto the podcast? Why or why not?

For this question, I would have to give a big fat YAAS. 

This podcast has helped me a ton in understanding my dressing and has helped me view my dressing in a non-shameful way. 

The CrossYAAS discord is a wonderful source of support and has absolutely enriched my life since joining.

I used to see my crossdressing as a negative side of myself that I acknowledged, now I see it as something beautiful that makes me a unique individual. 

How will you approach Claire moving forward? Does anything change after being on the podcast? 

I’ll probably approach my Claire side the same as before. I’ll keep pushing myself to put myself out there more. Hopefully my story will resonate with others and inspire them to live their lives more authentically. 

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Curi – YAAS Convo with Gwen Fredericks Q&A!

In Episode 130, special guest, Gwen Fredericks, the wife of crossdresser/genderfluid individual Stephanie Fredericks, comes onto the podcast to tell her story. Here’s our Q&A with her!

How old are you and where are you from?

I am 40 years old and live in Arizona.

What brings you to the podcast?

I’m married to a long-time listener of the podcast, Steph Fredericks. Steph introduced me to the podcast and it gave me some great context and understanding. When I first found out about Steph, I could not find any resources for spouses like me. I couldn’t find any stories like ours and I really wanted to get some context for what I was experiencing. I heard Giselle talk about wanting partners/spouses to share their stories and I thought that this was something I could share, hoping that other partners could benefit from it.

Wait what, your husband Steph is a crossdresser/genderfluid individual? And you’re okay with that? Are you sure you’re okay with that?

Yes! I’m married to Steph, and yes, I’m sure I’m OK with the Steph being “Steph.” It took some time and learning to get as comfortable as I am today, but I’m sure.

When did you first find out about Steph’s crossdressing, what was your initial reaction, and how have you dealt with it?

I learned about Steph’s crossdressing in stages. First, while we were dating, they told me about previous experiences with trying on pieces of women’s clothing. Later, right around the time we got married, Steph told me that they cross-dressed in the past – as in a full outfit. Gradually, over time, Steph shared more with me. I think the gradual sharing of information was gauging my own comfort with seeing more (like pictures) combined with Steph’s own progressive understanding of it for themselves.

How would you classify your own sexuality? How did you come to terms with that? And has that had any effect on it since finding out about Steph’s true gender identity?

For as long as I can remember, I have identified as straight/heterosexual. That has been challenged as Steph has explored and expanded their own understanding of their gender identity. For now, I still think of myself as heterosexual, but the logical part of my brain understands that it is more complicated than that because the person I love – and am attracted to – does not identify 100% as male. This is an area that I continue to think about and may change as I learn and educate myself more.

Who is your support system outside of Steph in dealing with her gender identity? Who knows about Steph? What was that coming out process like?

I’ve always felt like this was Steph’s thing to come out about – to whichever people she wanted to. It has not felt like my thing to share or disclose. Several of our friends know and Steph shares this part of themselves with more and more people on a regular basis. My mom and sister have known for some time. The friends and family who do know about Steph are nothing but supportive, but many of them do not know what to ask. I think these podcasts will help us educate them and give them a clearer understanding of Steph, as well as our relationship. Since Steph’s episode came out, I’ve already received messages of support and excitement from our friends, who are now looking to get to know Steph as “Steph” more.

For me, the coming-out process was primarily something I watch Steph do. As more people learn about Steph, and as Steph moves toward presenting more gender-fluid/feminine in public, I suspect even more people in my life will know. I anticipate that I will get a lot more questions when more of my family and friends learn about Steph.

Steph talks about being on HRT, and you’ve been one of her biggest supporters. For some, this could be considered the ultimate sign of love. For others, this is the greatest act of deception. Where do you stand on this and why?

I don’t see it as deceptive at all. It is a medical treatment just like any other. Whether Steph wants/needs to be on medication to treat a skin problem so they have skin that feels better for them, or wants/needs medication to feel more themselves in their own skin, it is all the same to me. Steph’s decision to take this treatment only serves to make them more themselves, which will only serve to give me a happier and healthier partner.

Your love has grown for Steph on her journey to finding her true gender identity. What advice can you offer other significant others of crossdressers/transgender/non-binary/gender non-conforming individuals who are figuring out how and why to stand by them? You’ve been by Steph’s side through a lot of it. How have you done it?

I think this is a very personal and individual assessment and calculation. I think it is important to both understand what you need and make efforts to understand where your partner is coming from and what they are feeling. 

For me, I asked myself, regularly, what I was afraid of. I identified several things that I was afraid of, but I chose to examine them and share those fears with Steph as I was feeling them. I was asking her to keep me up to date with her journey, so I needed to do the same. Those conversations were hard, but they helped us learn more about each other and our relationship, in addition to building even more trust. I know that I can be honest about what is important to me – good or bad – just as I know that Steph will tell me what is important to them. This kind of communication is important, so if you need the help of a therapist, embrace and seek out that help.

Finally, it is important to be patient with yourself and the situation, to the extent you can. I’m not suggesting that people stay in a situation they know is not fulfilling or will somehow be harmful to them. But, if you want to be there and want to find a way, be patient with yourself and the situation as you navigate it.

What’s the biggest misconception you’d like to clarify about crossdressers/transgender individuals that you’ve learned since being introduced into this community? What resources helped you in learning about this community?

I think the biggest broad-brush misconceptions are that crossdressers are not sexually attracted to women and that every transgender person wants to surgically/medically transition. And, overall, there is this misconception that every person within the community wants the same thing. I have learned, quickly, that every crossdresser/transgender person is as individual in their experiences and expectations, just as any other person in the world.

In addition to this podcast, I have sought out education about gender identity and presentation through all media (books, podcasts, documentaries, etc.). For me, reading about how gender presentation and identity are defined has helped me to put my own experience into context. It has also been helpful to read sources from the perspective of the crossdresser/transgender person. Finding empathy and understanding of the perspective of a transgender person definitely helped put into context what I was observing and experiencing with Steph.

Even though it is a children’s book, It Feels Good to Be Yourself: A Book About Gender Identity, by Theresa Thorn, is a wonderful, positive, introduction to various gender presentations.

Seeing Gender: An Illustrated Guide to Identity and Expression, by  Iris Gottlieb, is another detailed resource.

For me, I also sought information about other spouse’s experiences. An episode of the podcast, “Death, Sex, and Money” titled, “50 Years Married To A Man Named Sissy” was extremely helpful for me.

Steph sounds like a wonderful human being when you talk about her. How do you maintain such a great relationship with her? Yes communication is huge, but what else? What is your favorite thing about her? Why is she so awesome!

Steph is extremely thoughtful and listens better than most people on the face of the earth! Yes, communication is important, but we also spend time together (because we enjoy it). Steph is fun, funny, and calm. They make space for me to be myself, support me no matter what off-the-wall idea I have, and never hesitate to encourage me. I try to give Steph as much of all of those things as they give me every day.

COVID-19 has been a struggle for all of us, how have you been affected by the pandemic?

I have been able to work from home a lot more, which has meant that Steph and I get to spend even more time together. We like that, so it’s been good in that way. We haven’t been able to see our friends and family as much as we would like, but the disruption of COVID has been relatively mild for us.

Yes we know enough about Steph, but what about you?! What would you say your style is? Tell us about your fashion sense!

The last year and a half has been full of new athleisure, for me. When I’m dressing like an adult, I lean toward classic/simple lines, A-line dresses, and either solid colors or simple patterns. 

Enough about Steph! What’s your favorite thing to wear? Do you have a go-to outfit?

For work, I have a brown polka-dot dress (yes, Steph found it for me) that I love to wear. It is reminiscent of the 1950’s-1960’s, but with a classic/modern look. When I’m casual around town, I prefer shorts/capris and a flowy/light tank or shirt (it can get warm here!).

What do you wish you did differently in your life? Do you have any regrets?

I don’t have any regrets. I would love to travel more – both domestically and internationally. I would really like to train myself to take a road trip slowly, stopping to see new things, instead of driving straight through without stopping.

We obviously know a lot about Steph and we learned a little about you in your talk with Giselle… but tell us something you omitted about Steph that you wish you told The CrossYAAS Podcast!

While I love to cook, Steph is no slouch in the kitchen! On one of our first dates, Steph made me a delicious dinner from scratch (before they knew how much I like to cook). When it comes to grilling/smoking, I still get to participate with seasoning, but Steph is definitely the family pitmaster!

What advice would you give to other significant others of crossdressers/transgender/non-binary/other individuals? What’s the best thing they can do to understand the community better?

If you feel like you don’t understand, either individuals or the community, I recommend de-mystifying the community by learning about it through the words and thoughts of the members themselves. Read books from the perspective of a crossdresser/trans person (fiction or non-fiction), watch documentaries, listen to podcasts. 

This podcast community is a great place to start, but if you prefer joining community groups to meet people in person, do it. If you feel comfortable communicating through online forums, the CrossYAAS Discord is a great place!

Why should people join the CrossYAAS Confidential Discord?

The Discord is as much a resource as it is entertaining. For me, it has helped me learn about the community, but it has also helped me feel like a part of the community. 

Everyone should join for those reasons, but partners/spouses should join because it would be great to create a community where we can find and support each other, as well.

Would you recommend others to come onto the podcast? Why or why not?

Absolutely. All the stories people have shared on the podcast so far have helped me – and so many others. Even if you think your story is uninteresting, I guarantee you that there is someone out there who identifies with it – and who, through your story, will benefit from knowing that they are not alone. 

How can people reach you if they have questions and concerns?

Anyone can reach me at OhMyGuhness@gmail.com

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Curi – YAAS Convo with Stephanie Fredericks Q&A!

In Episode 129, Stephanie Fredericks, a crossdresser and genderfluid individual comes onto the podcast to tell her story. Here’s our Q&A with her.

How old are you and where are you from?

I am 49 years old, I was born in TX, but moved all around and now live in Arizona.

What brings you to the podcast?

I wanted to tell my story because I hope it will someday help someone that listens to this in the future feel comfortable about being who they are. And not fear telling family and friends. It can be hard but it’s not impossible.

Do you consider yourself a crossdresser? Why or why not? Do you even like the term crossdresser? How’d you come to that conclusion?

I used to call my dressing just a hobby, and then I came to terms that I was a crossdresser. And I don’t mind that term because it was exactly what I was doing. As time went on I realized that it has always been something more. There was something more inside me that loved femininity. I came to the conclusion just through time, educating myself, listening to podcasts(especially this one), and deep thought about how I really feel.

How would you identify with your gender identity? You said genderfluid with your chat with Giselle. But do you think you fall under the transgender umbrella? Why or why not?

I identify as genderfluid and I absolutely also feel that falls under the Trans umbrella. I wasn’t sure about that until last year when reading more and more about what it is that defines the Trans umbrella and things just started making sense. One good book I read that helped with my identity was “Seeing Gender” by Iris Gottlieb.

How would you classify your sexuality? How did you come to terms with that?

I always considered myself straight and happily married to a Cis woman. I’m not sure if the fact that I am on HRT changes anything because I don’t feel the need to fully transition as a woman.

Why did you decide to start HRT? You talk about HRT lite… but how did you come to the conclusion to start it? DId you seek a gender therapist beforehand? Did that help?

I didn’t seek a therapist beforehand because after researching micro-dosing and having my practitioner tell me more about it, I knew that it was right for me and probably what my body has been needing to make me feel complete. It’s hard to explain the feeling but it’s one of those feelings you can’t ignore. It was recommended that I now see a therapist while on HRT so I am getting a referral for one.

What’s your biggest fear with this transition? HRT can be a scary word for some, but are you yourself scared?

I’m not scared but some things do still make me nervous. It is going to change my body and some things may be irreversible. I wonder sometimes, if for some reason down the road I feel that it is not working physiologically like I had thought, what happens next?

The thing that stood out in your Curi – YAAS convo with Giselle you discussed your terrible relationship with your ex-wife, who shared the same name as Giselle’s girlfriend from hell, Jenn… What the hell is wrong with her? Why are some of the worst people named Jenn?!

She was greedy, selfish, and just overall not a very empathetic person. And the second question makes me think that someone should do a scientific study on why that is.

All jokes aside, you’ve come out a better, and stronger human being because of that relationship with your ex-wife Jenn. How did you do it? What advice can you offer people who are coming out of a bad relationship?

Thank you. I’d definitely say I learned a lot from that relationship and came out stronger. I was young and I probably married too “spur of the moment” in the first place. But, once I saw some warning signs that we probably weren’t compatible I should have sought help and not just hoped things would get better naturally. My advice for coming out of a bad relationship is to take a break, as long as you need, and reassess what type of person you really want to be with and if you do meet someone new, take your time and make sure they are the right one.

Your wife Gwen sounds like a wonderful human being! How do you maintain a great relationship with her? What is your favorite thing about her? Why is she so awesome!

Gwen’s amazing! And we have a great relationship because we care about each other, pay attention to each other, and are always making sure each other has what we need. We also spend lots of time together because we enjoy each other’s company, but are also able to go do our own things if needed. She’s beautiful and great in many ways but my favorite thing about her is how she can handle any social situation, even if it’s uncomfortable. I lack that skill and have learned a lot from her.

COVID-19 has been a struggle for all of us, how has your Steph self been affected with the pandemic?

There were some things that I wanted to do more as Steph in public but being at home a lot actually allowed me (Steph) to thrive, not only because I dressed more but because I had a lot of time off to educate myself and really think more about who I am inside.

What would you say your style is? Tell us about your fashion sense!

When glamming up I love Pin up, polkadots, business casual, and sundresses. During the work day I’ve been experimenting with some genderfluid clothing.

What’s your favorite thing to wear? Do you have a go-to outfit?

Favorite things to wear are sundresses. Also I dress every night in femme Pjs, a bandana, and eyeliner. It’s just my nightly comfort go-to.

What do you wish you did differently in your life? Do you have any regrets?

I think all of us say this but I wish I would’ve started dressing and coming out earlier in life. But it’s all situational and everyone’s life is different so I am also extremely happy with where I’m at at this point in my life. I’m very lucky.

My Grandad died at 90 and he was always a funny man and a good prankster. After the funeral my family was cleaning his house and found some pictures of him dressed in lingerie in his later years. They didn’t make fun of him but laughed and cast it off at how this was probably his last prank to the family. I’m glad they thought of it that way and not something negative but I looked at those pictures and saw a sad man that probably suppressed his entire life that he was a crossdresser or maybe even more.

We obviously know a lot about Steph in your talk with Giselle… tell us something you omitted about Steph that you wish you told The CrossYAAS Podcast!

I wished I would’ve stated how much I love helping younger crossdressers on social media. When I first went public it was for validation for me and yes, at first I was interested in numbers and comments. Then younger CDs started reaching out to me for advice and I loved it and realized that just me being public and visible and confident was really helping some others to come out of their shell and also not fear showing their true selves to the public. It makes me feel good when someone says that I gave them the confidence to be visible.

What advice would you give to other crossdressers/transgender/non-binary/other individuals?

Read everything you can and learn about who you are. Get help if it’s difficult because it can be. And don’t be afraid to ask people with experience. They most likely went through most of what you are going through.

Would you recommend others to come onto the podcast? Why or why not?

I may have been one of Giselle’s most nervous guests, even though she didn’t think so, and her interview style quickly conquered my fear and I easily told my story. It was therapeutic and made me hope that someday in the future my story may relate to someone new to this and is wondering how to navigate it. No matter where you are in your experience with this it will help you to talk and probably help someone else that is listening to the episode.

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Curi – YAAS Convo with Dottie Q&A!

In Episode 128, Dottie, a crossdresser from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania comes on the podcast to tell her story. Here’s our Q & A with her.

How old are you and where are you from?

I’m 27 and from Philadelphia.

What brings you to the podcast?

My friend Madi invited me to the discord server so I started listening to some episodes after joining. I think it’s great to hear voices of other people in the community and their stories. You can learn a lot about yourself from empathizing with the experiences of others.

Do you consider yourself a crossdresser? Why or why not? How’d you come to that conclusion?

I don’t really like the term “crossdresser” but it’s the simplest way to convey to somebody what I basically do so I use it.

How would you identify with your gender identity? Do you think you fall under the transgender umbrella? Why or why not?

I call myself genderfluid, which falls under the “T” umbrella to me more than it does “Q” or “+”. Honestly, I think labels are stupid and overrated but we still kind of need them to define things for people who have trouble understanding it. Basically, I present masculine most of the time, but when I want to and can I present feminine. I’m still the same person at the end of the day, just some days I’m prettier than others!

How would you classify your sexuality? How did you come to terms with that?

I don’t really know how to define it exactly, I just know I’m attracted to feminine people. I don’t have an issue with any specific bits downstairs, I just know I just find femininity very sexy and attractive. It’s part of the reason why I present the way I do in the first place, I want to feel good about my appearance and look like somebody I would be attracted to. So I’m whatever that is, I like girls!

Are you public about Dottie? Who knows about Dottie and what was that coming out process like, if you did come out? If you haven’t, why haven’t you?

My social media is public for the most part, but I’m not “out” about it to most of the people in my life. My mom knows about it but she doesn’t want to be a part of it, and I don’t want her to be involved either. Doing this is something that I do for myself, it shouldn’t affect anyone else but the unfortunate reality is that it does. It would be different if I defined myself as a Drag Queen or Trans, but I am a part of this weird in-between space that’s more difficult to understand than either of those. Not to say it would be any easier as whole coming out as the aforementioned labels, but people nowadays have a better understanding of who those people are. At the end of the day, it’s not really anybody else’s business. If I had a partner, I would have to come out to them, as a relationship with me wouldn’t work if they couldn’t accept Dottie.

How important is passing to you? Would you say you have passing privilege?

My goal is to look like what I think a woman looks like in my head. That’s not to say other interpretations of femininity aren’t valid of course, this presentation is just what I personally like. So that’s the goal, to “pass”. I’m not sure if I fully attain this goal but I try really frickin hard to.

In your Curi – YAAS Conversation with Giselle, you talk about presenting Dottie in the most hyperfeminine of ways just like Giselle. Tell us more! Giselle loves being slutty, but would you say you feel the same? Or is it something else? Like, why be hyperfeminine?

I would say I try to be more flirty than slutty! I think of femininity and masculinity as very binary definitions, so when I present fem I try to put out the most feminine aura I can achieve. As to why…cause it’s fun! Also if I’m going to take a million hours to do makeup and hair I’m not just going to put on a t-shirt and jeans and call it a day, I’m cranking it up to 11.

You also wear a breastplate when you become Dottie. What made you decide to wear a breastplate? What are some pros and cons that people don’t realize when wearing one?

I think that goes along with the hyperfeminine thing, to me that means you gotta have some cleavage. I’ve wanted one for as long as I can remember, but never had the means to store or purchase one until recently (thank you stimulus!). I got one that is like a crop top, It doesn’t have any straps or anything so it limits the sort of outfits you can wear if you are trying to hide the seams and make them look as natural as possible. Most of my wardrobe either doesn’t really work well with them since it wasn’t an issue for me before, or completely covers them up which sorta negates the whole point of wearing them. They for sure help shape your upper body and take eyes away from the flaws in your figure that way and of course add more curve to your silhouette. If I had to purchase them again, I would maybe get one with neck straps and go a little bit lighter on the skin tone. Also I would go bigger!

Safe to say COVID – 19 has had a major effect on the world. How have you been affected by this pandemic Dottie? Have you felt any benefit or loss during this pandemic with regards to your gender identity?

Before the pandemic, I just began going out in public to bars and clubs en-fem. It was so much fun, but then it was taken away through no fault of my own. I realized that once you take the next step, level up so to speak, it’s really difficult to go back down. Mentally that is. Given the circumstances, I couldn’t go out anyway so I was forced to just be fem alone in my house. That sucked! A benefit was that over the last year, I focused on experimenting and trying harder with makeup. I don’t love makeup, in fact I loathe the process. However I recognize I need to do it to even make an attempt at achieving my goal, so I tried really hard at getting better with it.

Clearly your style is the best. Madi stole what you wore when you did that Instagram Live together.. So what would you say your style is? What kind of fashion sense would you say you have that makes everyone want to BE Dottie?

Thank you! Madi is just creatively bankrupt and can’t come up with any outfit on her own so she just steals my ideas. That’s exactly what I do though. The best artists steal! I really just look at what other people are wearing and either replicate a look like theirs for myself or I put my own twist on it.

What’s your favorite thing to wear? Do you have a go-to outfit? Do you dress differently in private than you do in public?

My favorite thing to wear is probably pleated skirts believe it or not. I think there is something super cute and flirty about a pleated skirt and a top that complements. I for sure dress differently at home than when I go out. At home I try more elaborate shapewear since I know I’m only going to be wearing it for a little while. In public I try to be a little less revealing and more comfortable. Going to the bathroom in public is already stressful enough in the first place, I don’t want to add padding, Spanx, and several layers of tights on to that stress.

What do you wish you did differently in your life? Do you have any regrets?

I wish I would have started going out sooner than I did, but I didn’t have anyone I was comfortable enough with to do so.

We obviously know a lot about Dottie in your talk with Giselle… tell us something you omitted about Dottie that you wish you told The CrossYAAS Podcast!

I think we alluded to it with the “Yu-gi-oh!” tangent but I am a huge frickin nerd. I probably like or have some sort of strong opinion on whatever nerdy thing you can think of.

What advice would you give to other crossdressers/transgender/non-binary/other individuals?

If you are struggling with how you look, you just have to keep putting in the work until you get happy with it. That happiness is going to be different for everyone, some people want to just put on a dress and some people need to be medically treated for gender dysphoria. You are the only person who knows what will make you happy, so you should work towards getting there. You only get one shot at living life, so just live it the happiest way you can.

Would you recommend others to come onto the podcast? Why or why not?

Of course! I had a really fun conversation and I hope to be invited back in the future. Everybody should join the discord as well!

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Curi – YAAS Convo with Thea Q&A!

In episode 124, Thea, a crossdresser from the Northeastern United States, comes on the podcast to tell her story. Here’s our Q & A with her.

How old are you and where are you from?

33 years old, Connecticut (New York soon)

What brings you to the podcast?

Found the podcast on a drive home from a solo vacation May 2020. Felt an immediate connection, and quite a bit resonated with me and my feelings at the time. A year+ later, I finally gained the courage to join!

Do you consider yourself a crossdresser? Why or why not? How’d you come to that conclusion?

I do. Simply for its most basic definition – I enjoy clothing and accessories designed for the opposite sex. Some may feel it comes with a negative/kink connotation, but I don’t read into it that much. At the end of the day, it’s just clothing.

How would you identify with your gender identity? Do you think you fall under the transgender umbrella? Why or why not?

I do believe I fall under the transgender umbrella, but that’s quite a large umbrella nowadays. I don’t foresee myself going to the lengths of transitioning, but I also don’t view myself as someone who identifies solely as male. As I write this out, Bi-gender seems like an adequate term to describe me, but why must a label be put on everything?

How would you classify your sexuality? How did you come to terms with that?

I’ve certainly questioned it at times, but femininity is what I’m attracted to. When I walk down the street, I won’t take a look behind me as a male passes by, but I surely would if a female I found attractive does. Ok, so maybe I’m also just trying to get a longer look at her outfit. So what!

Are you public about Thea? Who knows about Thea and what was that coming out process like, if you have come out?

I’m not public about Thea to the world, but I have shared with a few friends. Everyone has been quite supportive, which has been such a relief. Each one has been a bit easier than the last for that reason. I’ve also started to attempt to create a new friend group, where my life as Thea is out in the open. We’re still in the very early stages of friendship, but there is another 4-5 local people I talk to regularly.

In your Curi – YAAS Conversation with Giselle, you talked a little about Gender Dysphoria vs Gender Euphoria. Can you elaborate more on that? You said you dont have gender dysphoria, but you do have gender Euphoria.. What did you mean by that?

I’d say it’s sort of a love/hate thing. Dysphoria generally relates to things that you don’t like about your current self (ie voice). Euphoria relates more to things that you like (ie smooth skin). And for me, when I transform into Thea, I’m not hating certain parts of myself. Sure, they may be things I don’t like, but the overwhelming feeling is happiness. I’m happy with smooth skin. I’m happy with my facial features accentuated with makeup. I’m happy with false eyelashes. I’m happy in women’s attire. So for me, it’s because the happiness far outweighs the disdain that I will use Gender Euphoria as a better metric for myself.

It took you a while to get you on the podcast. What made you decide to come on the podcast now? Are you happy with coming on the podcast when you did, or do you wish you came on earlier? 

Honestly, it’s a combination of a couple factors. First, I’m really trying to get out of my comfort zone and be more open about Thea. I wasn’t in this mindset a year ago when I found the podcast. So if not now, then when? Second, I give credit to Giselle’s other guests. Many seem quite confident, so if they can do it, why can’t I? I do wish I came in earlier, but everyone does things on their own schedule. Truthfully, I probably couldn’t have contributed as much back then. We live in the present, not the past, so no regrets!

How has COVID – 19 affected you being Thea? Have you felt any benefit or loss during this pandemic?

COVID certainly allowed me to embrace Thea a lot more. I lost my job in early 2020, because I work with the public. Having so much free time allowed me to learn quite a bit about myself, and put me on this current path of self-love and acceptance. So while the pandemic was horrible for a lot of people, I at least found some personal benefit.

What would you say your style is? What kind of fashion sense would you say you have?

Non-existent 🤣. Seriously though, I don’t know if I have a style. I’m a very casual dresser. I just want to blend in and not draw attention to myself, positive or negative.

What’s your favorite thing to wear? Do you have a go-to outfit? Do you dress differently in private than you do in public?

My favorite things to wear are probably just jeans and a t-shirt. Like I said, I’m super casual. I may toss a summer dress on while just around the house, since my confidence level isn’t there to wear that in public yet.

What do you wish you did differently in your life? Do you have any regrets?

Only that I wish I had come to accept myself sooner. Or maybe, when my parents found a stash of clothing when I was younger, I could’ve just said “yeah, it’s all mine and I enjoy it.” Who knows how life would be today.

We obviously know a lot about Thea in your talk with Giselle… tell us something you omitted about Thea that you wish you told The CrossYAAS Podcast!

I enjoy a good crossdressing caption/meme. Not so much the ones that are sexual in nature, but more so the ones that show a woman holding up a dress with the caption saying ‘this would look good on you’, or something like that.Or, I’ve recently gotten into reading some short stories on LitErotica.com focusing on crossdressing.

What advice would you give to other crossdressers/transgender/non-binary/other individuals?

People don’t care as much as you fear they do. Live your life how YOU want, not how you think they want.

Would you recommend others to come onto the podcast? Why or why not?

Duh! Giselle is a great host and it’s a fantastic outlet to share your story. There has been a lot that resonated with me while listening to others’ stories. Hopefully something resonated with someone during my chat, and who knows who you may reach with your story. 

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Curi – YAAS Convo with Madi Q&A!

Episodes 112 and 113 featured Madi, a crossdresser from Portland who came on the podcast to share her story. Here’s our Q&A with her.

How old are you and where are you from?

I’m 40. I grew up in Santa Cruz, California and moved to Portland, Oregon at the end of 2015.

What brings you to the podcast?

Through another member of the community and guest on the show, Hope. We’ve known each other for several years, and she said some *very* kind words about me in her interview episode. That got me interested in checking out the Discord group, and one thing led to another.

Are you a crossdresser?

Yes.

How do you feel about the term crossdresser?

I don’t love it. I increasingly feel that it just describes an activity and not an identity. It doesn’t communicate anything about your relationship to gender or your motivations. That and it just doesn’t have any positive associations—it’s not a word people associate with craft or personal enrichment.

How would you identify with your gender identity? Do you identify as transgender? Why or why not?

I identify as genderqueer, which does put me under the transgender umbrella. The way I see it and feel it is that my whole self can’t be contained by one gender expression. I don’t feel a lot of need to claim transgender personally, though. It’s replaced “transexual” so thoroughly that I feel like using it to describe myself would probably cause more confusion than it would resolve.

How would you classify your sexuality? How did you discover that?

It depends on who I’m talking to and how much time we have to talk about it. I’ve generally rounded off to “straight” in the past, for the sake of simplicity, but I think straightness has more wiggle room than the popular discourse usually gives it credit for. 

There was a great opinion piece on the NYT recently urging bisexuals to come out, and it made the argument that it does *not* mean equal attraction to everyone at all times. It can lean more toward one sex than another, and it can be situational, and it can vary over time. I’m not sure I’m ready to claim bisexual yet, but given that argument, I’m warming to it.

All that said, “femmesexual” is the best term I’ve found to describe my orientation. I’m attracted to femininity.

In your Curi – YAAS conversation with Giselle, you talk about wanting to come out at work? Have you done that yet? What was the work reaction like?

Yes, I came out the next week, and it was a phenomenal experience. My team was incredibly supportive, and I felt a huge weight lifted from my shoulders that I’d grown so used to that I barely realized it was there. When you’re closeted, there’s a kind of paranoia that sets in around whether you’re doing anything that will out you. Was that gesture too femme? Was that drag race reference suspicious? Is my birthday tiara visible in the background of this zoom call? (it was, and for months, and no one ever noticed). I’ve been able to let go of all of those worries, and it’s been such a liberating feeling. If it’s safe for you to come out, I encourage it.

You also discussed with Giselle, about your affinity towards Drag? What is your fascination with it? 

Fundamentally it’s the same fascination with transformation I have for any kind of gender nonconformance. But I like the hugeness of it. I love camp. I love the way it queers femininity, turning into a loud, commanding, powerful force. Drag queens are gonna save the world.

Why should I watch RuPaul’s Drag Race? Is it really that good of a show?

It can be. Honestly my enthusiasm for it has been cooling off lately, but I do think it’s a great show overall. I’ve learned a lot about confidence and authenticity from it.

You talk about avoiding the spotlight when you talked with Giselle. How important is passing to you? In what ways do you try or not try to pass?

I’d probably be lying if I said I didn’t do my best to pass, but I don’t *expect* to pass. I want to create the best illusion that I can. I pay a lot of attention things to proportions, what kinds of clothes best fit my body, how I move and walk. I don’t bother trying to change my voice though—maybe it’s from watching so much drag race, but doing a voice just seems unnecessary, for me.

What would you say your style is? How did you develop it?

I have a few. Last Fall I was getting into this quasi-1950’s retro look, but I’m not feeling that as much lately. More recently I’ve been into this sort of *Real Housewives* MILF rich bitch vibe.

I’m not sure how to answer the question of how I develop any looks though. I mostly fly on intuition, I guess. I do a lot of online window shopping and play around with outfit composition in my head while I do that.

What’s your favorite thing to wear?

Lately, sequins. I love the sparkle, it makes me feel gorgeous and confident. I have these faux leather leggings I can’t get enough of, too. Oh and heels—they’re an important part of the transformation for me, in the way they change how I move.

What do you wish you did differently in your life? Do you have any regrets?

It probably goes without saying I wish I’d dressed more when I was in my 20’s and early 30’s. I try not to get too caught up in that though. 

What advice would you give to other crossdressers/transgender individuals?

If it’s safe for you to come out, start coming out. You need the support. This part of you is fundamental to who you are, and keeping that a secret will wreck you.

Would you recommend others to come onto the podcast? Why or why not?

Yeah if listening to the show makes you think, “hey, that seems like it would be fun,” then definitely reach out to Giselle and come tell us your story!

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Curi – YAAS Convo with Candice C. Q&A!

In Episode 110, Candice C, a 39-year-old crossdresser comes onto the podcast to tell her story. Here’s our Q&A with her.

How old are you and where are you from?

I am 39 and from Canada.  Yes it’s a big country, but I have lived all over the place, so let’s just leave it at Canada 🙂

What brings you to the podcast?

I found the podcast through my own desire for consuming resources in the search of defining my self identity.  Most of the resources out there are outdated.  I love the fresh approach that this podcast is taking!  I decided to contribute in order to share my story and add to the growing number of voices out there.  Hearing other voices is helping me, and I hope that I can help others!

For newcomers to the podcast, is the CrossYAAS podcast worth listening to? Why or why not?

The podcast is definitely worth listening to.  Giselle weaves interesting current affairs with topics of sexuality and gender.  And the interviews serve as a glimpse into the lives of other people that also cross dress or otherwise explore gender.

Are you yourself a crossdresser?

Yes!

How would you identify with your gender identity? Do you identify as transgender? Why or why not?

I don’t like to slot myself into one identity.  I find that somewhat constricting when it comes to sexuality and gender.  But I can relate to non-binary and genderfluid.  And I like to consider those under the trans umbrella.

How would you classify your sexuality?

I would classify myself as having a submissive feminine sexual identity, and attracted to dominant feminine energy.  

Are you open about your crossdressing/sexuality/gender?What was that coming out process like?

I am only out to my wife IRL.  That process, as you can or will hear in the podcast, was not ideal.  It came out with her discovering pictures on my computer.  That started off the conversation in a really negative way as it damaged a lot of trust between us.  If I had told her earlier on in our relationship, things would have worked out a lot better.  She is very open minded and accepting of LGBTQ and various sexual kinks.  

In your Curi – YAAS conversation with Giselle, you talk about not being open about your crossdressing to your workmates because they’re older and they wouldn’t understand. Where do you think your perception of them not understanding stems from? Would it change the work dynamic if they knew about Candice?

I work in a small company of about 20 people.  Many of whom I have known for about 10-15 years, and the others are quite a bit younger.  Therefore I think they would get over it and accept me because they have known me for so long.  However, I work as a consultant for various companies.  And I have worked with probably over 200 by now, so I have to deal with new people all of the time.  My industry tends to be an older and more conservative-leaning crowd.  Much of my work involves working in and around small remote communities.  So I feel as though if I were open about this, it would expose me to the judgement (or perceived judgement) of a lot of different people.  And the risk to my career as I transition into a leadership role is a big concern.  Not to mention that my boss of 15 years has shown himself to be a bigoted individual towards people that are LGBTQ.

You also discussed with Giselle the sexual component of crossdressing…would you care to elaborate on that? What about crossdressing gets you turned on?

There are many parts to it that are sexually charged.  For one, its the anticipation of having the chance to dress up.  When it’s something that can’t always be done, it adds a certain element of built-up energy.  It’s like a seed that just starts to grow.  I might be inspired by an outfit I see on the street, and I think about how that would look on me.  I look for that outfit online.. thinking about the day that I might actually order it and try it on.  Then when the day comes, and I get dressed up.  I look in the mirror and feel good about what I see.  Not like, “hey I’m hot”, it’s more like, damn I look fine.  As a dude, I rarely every feel sexy.  But when I dress up, I actually FEEL sexy.  It’s an exhilarating feeling to embody the sexual energy, instead of as a man just seeking out the feminine sexual energy.  Then there is the tactile nature of all of the different clothes and how they are tight and often form fitting.

You talk about your children with Giselle and breaking gender binaries down with them. How did you come about that conclusion and what is the significance of that moving forward in your children’s upbringing?

It was an approach that my wife and I had early on when we had our first. (in retrospect this sounds like it would have been a great segue to share about my personal gender identity). We didn’t want to go as far as waiting to gender them until they are old enough to do it themselves.  I think that can be too confusing for people around them.  We have always referred to our son as a boy and our daughter as a girl.  We didn’t find out their gender when my wife was pregnant, so right from the get-go, we set the stage for baby gifts from family and friends needing to be gender-neutral.  We have tried to encourage hobbies, toys and activities that boys or girls like to both of our kids.  And we let them choose what they want to do.  Presently, our boy like most typical boy things, and our girl likes mostly typical girl things.  But they are free to chose what they genuinely like.  We have tried to remove as many gender barriers as possible for them, as I think they will appreciate that gender-norms and practices in the school and workplace can be limitations to their potential.  

Does passing play an importance when you are Candice? In what ways do you try or not try to pass?

I always aim to pass when I dress.  I don’t feel comfortable blending gender presentations. I try to pass with the best makeup as possible, and shaving my face very close.  Luckily I don’t have much body hair to deal with, and I generally don’t shave my legs or arms.  Wigs end up being an essential piece for me.  I don’t use wigs or hip/but enhancements.  I am athletic, so I have a lean body shape and my shoulders aren’t very broad either, so I think that helps.

If you had a style when you’re dressed as Candice, what would you say that is? How did you develop it?

I tend to gravitate towards more glamorous evening wear.  I say yes to sparkles and sequins!  I don’t think I really have a style.  I tend to be fairly eclectic.  Which is to say, I don’t really have very many clothes yet.

Do you have a favorite place to shop?

I used to love ordering from Charlotte Russe.  I loved almost everything from there.  I have filled my cart a few times, but never ordered, from Shein and Boohoo.

What’s your favorite thing to wear and why?

I have always had a thing for pantyhose.  So it’s a must for just about every outfit!  It’s hard to say why, but they just feel amazing to wear.

What do you wish you did differently in your life? Do you have any regrets?

I wish I had explored my gender expression and sexuality more when I was in my early 20’s.  When I was single and still defining myself.  Once you are on a career path with a wife and kids, it becomes a lot harder to do that.  Life gets busy and there is a lot less time for ones self.  I think that is why a lot of crossdressing men come out in their 60’s.  They have retired and their kids have grown up, and they find themselves with the time to look inward and explore those parts about themselves they they tucked away for so long. 

 What advice would you give to other crossdressers/transgender individuals?

Read and listen to as many resources as possible.  There is so much out there now, there is no excuse.  The sooner that you start exploring your identity the better.  If you hide it, you risk damaging a relationship that you may be in like I did.

Would you recommend others to come onto the podcast? Why or why not?

Yes, absolutely.  It is somewhat of a therapeutic experience.  Giselle also asks the tough questions in order to challenge some listeners in some things that may be holding them back.  I may, in the future, refer people to my episode if it makes sense.